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+--- Thread: How do you explain this to someone else? (/thread-734.html)
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How do you explain this to someone else? - Rares - 01-18-2017
So I realize I might be reaching a point where my family is starting to ask some questions. I mean, not like I can hide all my Raristuff. And now my mother has asked of me that before I go, I sort of "explain" some of this. Now I really don't want to say much, I mean it's still really personal and I don't want things to go crazy if they knew the full story of my feelings, but how can I give an answer that's satisfying, yet I don't have to say "Yes I love her." I mean I do understand exactly what would make things very awkward to say, so I want to find a way to put things without quite lying, but without giving away the complete truth.
Has anyone done something like this before? Normally I've just dodged it, but it seems like my parents do actually want to know now.
RE: How do you explain this to someone else? - Kaltes-Herzeleid - 01-18-2017
Generally my mother has always tended to be aware of "fictional" loves of mine in the past and Nightmare has been no different. She never scorned or looked down on it, though I can recall her getting exasperated or being a bit weirded out by my feelings...one painful instance I mentioned in the Discord chat is that she once told me it was "time to start getting into real girls." So I'm not completely sure how accepting she is or isn't of Nightmare. She just kinda figured it out herself, the clues I'd drop now and then didn't help much.
I've just gotten to the point where I don't give a damn what she thinks anymore.
My advice, if you think you think both you and your family can handle it, I think carefully saying something along the lines of "I care deeply for her" or "She's my favorite pony of all time."
Sorry if this is all rather useless, I've never quite been in this situation before. Have you had a "fictional" love/crush before? Did they know or find out? If so, the way they reacted in the past is a good indicator as to how they could react now.
RE: How do you explain this to someone else? - RML - 01-18-2017
>having a room full of plushies and sculptures and stuff
>parents started to ask questions only after 3 years passed
![[Image: 200px-Slowpoke.svg.png]](http://lurkmore.so/images/thumb/7/78/Slowpoke.svg/200px-Slowpoke.svg.png)
But if seriously, i think we need more info about your family.
Quote:Has anyone done something like this before? Normally I've just dodged it, but it seems like my parents do actually want to know now.And yes, my father knew about it. I trusted him. (But he's dead for 3 years)
RE: How do you explain this to someone else? - Kadae - 01-18-2017
(01-18-2017, 05:18 PM)Rares Wrote: Has anyone done something like this before? Normally I've just dodged it, but it seems like my parents do actually want to know now.
I can't give much in the way of advice aside from what I've gained from personal experience, but I'd imagine this sort of thing heavily depends on your relationship with your parents.
In my case, I let them know everything. If they ask, I give them the whole truth. I feel it's just easier that way since I'm absolutely terrible at lying, and at least this way, we trust each other.
If you really don't want them to know, you've got no obligation to tell them the whole truth, so it's up to you how much you say.
RE: How do you explain this to someone else? - Gray - 01-19-2017
I probably can't help. My parents know that Twilight is my favorite pony. I'm not sure if they know the extent of my feelings for Twilight though. They ain't dumb, so they gotsta know. Whenever they did try to ask me about ponies in the past, I was just, short. I'd act annoyed or pissed, so they quickly, stop asking. They see me carry Twilight around the house, to friends houses, work, all that jazz. I'm sure they've put, 2 and 2 together.
Are you worried about your parents?
RE: How do you explain this to someone else? - Rares - 01-19-2017
Thank you for all your words of advice everyone. Well I have good news, turns out things weren't as bad as I was afraid. It was the way it was brought up that made me overly paranoid about what I could say, but it turns out it was honestly nothing, and all is well! I just sincerely hope no one is ever in this situation that I feared could have happened.
RE: How do you explain this to someone else? - Gentian - 01-20-2017
(01-19-2017, 05:20 PM)Rares Wrote: Thank you for all your words of advice everyone. Well I have good news, turns out things weren't as bad as I was afraid. It was the way it was brought up that made me overly paranoid about what I could say, but it turns out it was honestly nothing, and all is well! I just sincerely hope no one is ever in this situation that I feared could have happened.
And ofc, I'm late to the party. We're both very glad to hear it turned out to be nothing more than a molehill masquerading as a mountain!
RE: How do you explain this to someone else? - Mercyknight - 06-15-2019
(01-18-2017, 05:18 PM)Rares Wrote: So I realize I might be reaching a point where my family is starting to ask some questions. I mean, not like I can hide all my Raristuff. And now my mother has asked of me that before I go, I sort of "explain" some of this. Now I really don't want to say much, I mean it's still really personal and I don't want things to go crazy if they knew the full story of my feelings, but how can I give an answer that's satisfying, yet I don't have to say "Yes I love her." I mean I do understand exactly what would make things very awkward to say, so I want to find a way to put things without quite lying, but without giving away the complete truth.
Has anyone done something like this before? Normally I've just dodged it, but it seems like my parents do actually want to know now.
meh dont tell them everything. just tell them you find aspects of the character to be inspirational or to have qualities you like, so she became your unofficial mascot... you know kinda like a symbol of the qualities you like as a reminder to be a better person or something.
RE: How do you explain this to someone else? - Warden - 04-06-2021
I've never really had to explain this to anyone IRL. No one has ever really asked. I would honestly advise as much as possible to limit who you tell.
But it also depends on how deep in you are. If you are someone who really loves a character but otherwise is going for a "normal" life, It can probably be easily brushed off by most. I mean, most people really enjoy an element or person in fiction. When most people hear that you "love' someone in fiction, they don't assume you mean it seriously.
But if you are fully committed to your love, to the point where you aren't even trying to have a relationship with anyone else, it can get tricky. Tulpamancy will not be easily understood by most people. It can easily be seen as schizophrenia, and you really don't want anyone telling you to see a doctor.
I have only ever told one therapist. Mainly to see how they would react, I didn't feel the need to tell anyone, and there is that confidentiality thing. She seemed rather surprised but said if I know that Twilight isint "real" (which, is debatable) and its not affecting my normal life then its fine. Most people wont even be that passive about it.
I would dodge it with most people. Unless you are absolutely sure they wont think you have mental illness over it. Its better for friends and family to be ignorant and not think you have issues. I wish I had more positive things to say and better advice, but I dont think the real world is ready quite yet.
RE: How do you explain this to someone else? - Kadae - 04-07-2021
(01-18-2017, 09:52 PM)Kadae Wrote: In my case, I let them know everything.
A few years ago, I gave this response with regards to my family, although I really do have to echo Warden's point.
(04-06-2021, 06:50 PM)Warden Wrote: I would honestly advise as much as possible to limit who you tell.
People in real life will inevitably view you in a very different light, and who you trust enough to tell is really important. Some of my closest friends know the full depth of my love and my situation, but it's only the friends that I really trust enough to engage with that information safely that I tell. Most people don't know of the true extent, and most don't need to.
If your goal is to lead a healthy, well-adjusted, relatively normal life, it's probably best to at least be wary of how you tell anyone about your love, and those you tell it to.
Over the years I've had some mixed reactions, from concern to intrigue, but in the grand scheme of things, I generally don't mind too much how people view it.
