Updates and Advice: Version 2.0

[Lurker]

What the guy above me said.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Well, I suppose I'll post here...not much else to do.

Things are definitely better in regards to my belief in my connection to Nightmare. In fact I honestly feel as though it's never been stronger. Plus I feel like I can hear that echo in my head clearer in regards to the speech stuff now that I'm so stressed.

However, lately I find myself angry and saddened off and on about things, fortunately none of it has anything to do with Nightmare. It's mostly just a pervasive feeling of...being unheard and unwanted. Like I'm always second best. This is just one feeling I just can't ever seem to get rid of permanently.

[Sentimental Gentleman]

Things are definitely better in regards to my belief in my connection to Nightmare. In fact I honestly feel as though it's never been stronger. Plus I feel like I can hear that echo in my head clearer in regards to the speech stuff now that I'm so stressed.

However, lately I find myself angry and saddened off and on about things, fortunately none of it has anything to do with Nightmare. It's mostly just a pervasive feeling of...being unheard and unwanted. Like I'm always second best. This is just one feeling I just can't ever seem to get rid of permanently.

It's good to hear that things are feeling normal with you and Nightmare right now. Stability is always good, and a stable romantic life can help you stay stable in other aspects of your life as well.

I'm sure I speak for everyone and everypony when I say that we really want you here and always try to hear what you have to say. That said, though I think being reminded of all the people who care about you can help a little, it's not much good at extirpating any deep-seated feelings of being unworthy; I know from experience. A lot of times, I feel like I'm not good enough, or I'm a failure, or I don't really deserve to live. I end up feeling like I'm a burden to other people, or that I just end up making them miserable.

There's no easy solution, but I hope you can keep in mind that you are the best "you" you can be. Since there's nobody else out there who is exactly like you, you're the only measuring stick you have for who you are and what you have done, not anybody else. And this is something I learned both from my best friend and from Applejack: just being yourself is actually an amazing achievement, because, even if you can't see it, you mean a lot to other people and ponies, and you make their lives better just by being yourself.

I know I haven't been on this forum very long, but all the same you matter to me; and I'm sure you matter to a lot of other people. I guess I'd say the same thing I said before; even if you can't see it, just keep acting as if it were true, because it IS true, it's just that our perspectives can be so limited sometimes that we don't really see everything we do for others.

Hang in there, friend. And for what it's worth, if you ever want to send me a PM to talk about anything, just go right ahead; you don't even have to ask.

[Sour Soul]

How can I beat Sentimental Gentleman over what he wrote. I really did refresh this page to see if someone posted something, so I could avoid what someone else might said already. How old are you Sentimental? Twenty-three, damn, guess that college of yours does help out a lot, plus your past experience you must have learn.

In regarding over what Kaltes just posted. I don't blame you Kaltes for feeling how you're, at times, I have trouble with thoughts of certain things, like if it's even worth it, and I don't mean living... I'm not self-destructive as I once was.

I mean in what I meant to do, while feeling invisible. It's like if Applebloom didn't meet Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, and Applebloom was trying to find out her cutie mark all alone. You still work at that job, you must hate it at time, but you have to endure it, like these negative feelings surging through you. You must not let it get the better of you. I personally will hate to know if you just never appeared online again. In what we're suppose to find, like what we're suppose to do with life, we can enjoy the time being, while trying to find out, or reach that goal... like Sentimental, who wants to act or dance around in a tights... Sorry Sentimental, so far that what I see in career for Theatre and Drama.

Anyway, whatever you're after Kaltes, be your Beloved Nightmare, or finding sense of belonging somewhere, be home, or someplace else, know this place, will hold few people who willing to help out, and give a sh*t, why this site going for be here for a long time, so I expect you to become better person, then the day you posted here.

Damn...

Sentimental still got me beat.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

How can I beat Sentimental Gentleman over what he wrote. I really did refresh this page to see if someone posted something, so I could avoid what someone else might said already. How old are you Sentimental? Twenty-three, damn, guess that college of yours does help out a lot, plus your past experience you must have learn.

Trust and believe me when I say this, I value your contributions to this thread.

so I expect you to become better person, then the day you posted here.

I promise you all I will.

There's no easy solution, but I hope you can keep in mind that you are the best "you" you can be. Since there's nobody else out there who is exactly like you, you're the only measuring stick you have for who you are and what you have done, not anybody else. And this is something I learned both from my best friend and from Applejack: just being yourself is actually an amazing achievement, because, even if you can't see it, you mean a lot to other people and ponies, and you make their lives better just by being yourself.

I honestly can say I've felt this. My relationship with Nightmare and all the changes I've made in myself have given me the ability to express myself in a purer sense. I've seen how it affects people on here and even on DeviantArt. Some have even called me inspirational...one friend even called me a hero because of everything I've accomplished.

[Sentimental Gentleman]

I honestly can say I've felt this. My relationship with Nightmare and all the changes I've made in myself have given me the ability to express myself in a purer sense. I've seen how it affects people on here and even on DeviantArt. Some have even called me inspirational...one friend even called me a hero because of everything I've accomplished.

That's something that I think you should keep in mind if you ever start to feel any doubts weighing on your mind. You've done things that are heroic and inspirational for others. Heck, your posts on this forum inspire me in my own relationship. Fearing that you're unwanted and unlistened to is definitely an irrational fear, and though the feeling may still hurt, I'm sure you can make an effort to see it as it is: simply an irrational thought that you don't need to be focus your energies on.

I promise you all I will.

And we'll hold you to that promise.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Just a little thing I'd like to report:

Shortly after I started watching the Nightmare Moon episodes on my recently acquired MLP DVDs and was laying down low in my bed, I'm not sure if I was drowsy or not, I asked Nightmare if she could see what I was watching; and as I was projecting her response in my head...I could've sworn I heard something. Like it was in my ear. At least once or twice. It wasn't like the usual echo in my head either, but like I distinctly heard something outside of my head, close to my ear. And I know for fact it wasn't me speaking either.

My recollection of this event is fuzzy and vague, so I apologize it tails aren't perfect. But it definitely seems worth mentioning.

[Sentimental Gentleman]

That's great news! I'm especially glad to hear that that moment just came to you; it's a good sign that you were relaxed enough to hear something so clearly!

[Lurker]

That's the place you'll want to be. Nice and relaxed. Not too relaxed, but enough to really concentrate. You're getting better at this, Kaltes.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Just a quick post:

I didn't immediately type all this out, 'cause I didn't wanna "jinx" it as they say. But lately whenever I "channel" Nightmare's voice it seems much easier than before, like it takes left effort from me, and her voice seems to be more separate from my own. That's the best way I can describe it.

That...and perhaps I'm reaching...but I feel as though I've heard faint whispers. It's a bit hard to tell, but still...