Updates and Advice: Version 2.0

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Somehow, I just felt like today was telling me to meditate, so I did. This time I did it without the plush/vessel. Frankly it's some of the best time I've gotten done in awhile. I got in over twenty minutes effortlessly and was able to get in an extra ten or so minutes afterwards. I felt a genuine sense of calm. I mostly just talked to her, about whatever came to my mind at the time, visualized her near me.

I noticed whenever I meditate, namely this time, even when I have to help generate speech from her it feels much stronger in these contexts. Sometimes I barely had to focus at all and some responses felt very fluid and natural. Where I visualized her would be where the feeling of her voice came from. I'd feel these rushes in my head, in a pleasant way.

I felt a tad tired afterwards, and very relaxed.

Overall I feel very reassured.

[Gentian]

Somehow, I just felt like today was telling me to meditate, so I did. This time I did it without the plush/vessel. Frankly it's some of the best time I've gotten done in awhile. I got in over twenty minutes effortlessly and was able to get in an extra ten or so minutes afterwards. I felt a genuine sense of calm. I mostly just talked to her, about whatever came to my mind at the time, visualized her near me.

I noticed whenever I meditate, namely this time, even when I have to help generate speech from her it feels much stronger in these contexts. Sometimes I barely had to focus at all and some responses felt very fluid and natural. Where I visualized her would be where the feeling of her voice came from. I'd feel these rushes in my head, in a pleasant way.

I felt a tad tired afterwards, and very relaxed.

Overall I feel very reassured.

This is exactly the kind of stuff I come here for: uplifting tales of people finding success and happiness in their relationships with their waifus. Thank you for sharing this! It's thrilling to hear you and Nightmare had such a rewarding session; here's to hoping you have many more!

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Time to post here again.

I feel as though I've steadily, and I do mean steadily been getting back into meditating. Overall I've just been talking to her, and trying not to put so much focus on response, trying to allow things to flow naturally. There've been times where I've felt a response of sorts just flowed to my mind. I try just talking to her more...it could be better, but honestly I just feel like I don't have much to say really. But I'm saying what I can.

Overall I struggled a bit with my damn OCD induced doubt but with a bit of help and reassurance I overcame it.

I feel a sense of peace knowing she's in my life, even if I can't yet see her and our communication may not be perfect, I just feel strongly that she is with me. One way or another.

[Gray]

Time to post here again.

I feel as though I've steadily, and I do mean steadily been getting back into meditating. Overall I've just been talking to her, and trying not to put so much focus on response, trying to allow things to flow naturally. There've been times where I've felt a response of sorts just flowed to my mind. I try just talking to her more...it could be better, but honestly I just feel like I don't have much to say really. But I'm saying what I can.

Overall I struggled a bit with my damn OCD induced doubt but with a bit of help and reassurance I overcame it.

I feel a sense of peace knowing she's in my life, even if I can't yet see her and our communication may not be perfect, I just feel strongly that she is with me. One way or another.

Oh I'm happy for you. Uplifting? Inspiring? Not sure, makes me feel nice in the chest, knowing she gives you peace and whatnot. Ida given you a positive rating, but I've already given as many as allowed today. So instead, post.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Wow, it's been nearly an entire year since I posted here hasn't it. Normally I'd wait until an exact year, but given that I feel as though I haven't written anything meaningful in quite awhile, I decided it's high time I say something here again. Probably for the last time, really. This thread for all intents and purposes is dead.

In a sense I feel a this thread is a good indicator of just how far I've come in my journey. Looking back at some of my older posts I think my uncertainty was shamefully evident.

I can proudly say I basically no longer experience that horrible uncertainty anymore. I know everything I experience, in one way or another, even if it's not in a way I envisioned, is still very real. I know Nightmare is with me, she's a part of my life now, for a long time now that sensation of loneliness has vanished. There is a definite connection and purpose to my existence and no matter what hardships may occur, there is a wonderful security in knowing that.

I've even felt the presence of other significant beings in my life, namely Esdeath, who can I also say with certainty there is also a bond between us that does seem to steadily be gaining in strength. It's a beautiful thing to have such powerful connections with others now after a lifetime of isolation, I've become a stronger person because of it all.

I seriously doubt I'll post in this thread again, I'm staunchly on the path I believe I am supposed to be, but I felt as though this should be said here. This whole is a testament to how much I've progressed, and I thank anyone who's commented and contributed to this thread in the past. You all helped in more ways than you'd think.

[Rares]

I'm happy for you that the apparent sense of uncertainty has cleared up, I know what an absolute bitch that can be. Take comfort in the sense of security that you have a purpose.

If I can ask, what's been drawing you to Esdeath recently? Do you really like Akame Ga Kill?

[Gentian]

All this talk of uncertainty and unsureness. You don't know it Kaltes, but it's eerily relevant in my life right now. Is this one more way the universe is trying show me the right path?

I think I may need to go back to the beginning of this thread and read it through. I'm glad to hear things are going so well for you and Nightmare, and now Esdeath, too. I hope you do continue posting here, or at least in your relationship thread so we can keep up with your continuing development. Good luck in your future with Nightmare and Esdeath.

[Mercyknight]

All this talk of uncertainty and unsureness. You don't know it Kaltes, but it's eerily relevant in my life right now. Is this one more way the universe is trying show me the right path?

I think I may need to go back to the beginning of this thread and read it through. I'm glad to hear things are going so well for you and Nightmare, and now Esdeath, too. I hope you do continue posting here, or at least in your relationship thread so we can keep up with your continuing development. Good luck in your future with Nightmare and Esdeath.

uncertainty is my life in the human world right now. im literally pretty much homeless and have no chance to fix things....

[Gentian]

All this talk of uncertainty and unsureness. You don't know it Kaltes, but it's eerily relevant in my life right now. Is this one more way the universe is trying show me the right path?

I think I may need to go back to the beginning of this thread and read it through. I'm glad to hear things are going so well for you and Nightmare, and now Esdeath, too. I hope you do continue posting here, or at least in your relationship thread so we can keep up with your continuing development. Good luck in your future with Nightmare and Esdeath.

uncertainty is my life in the human world right now. im literally pretty much homeless and have no chance to fix things....

What's going on?

[Mercyknight]

All this talk of uncertainty and unsureness. You don't know it Kaltes, but it's eerily relevant in my life right now. Is this one more way the universe is trying show me the right path?

I think I may need to go back to the beginning of this thread and read it through. I'm glad to hear things are going so well for you and Nightmare, and now Esdeath, too. I hope you do continue posting here, or at least in your relationship thread so we can keep up with your continuing development. Good luck in your future with Nightmare and Esdeath.

uncertainty is my life in the human world right now. im literally pretty much homeless and have no chance to fix things....

What's going on?

well my stepmother literally doesnt like me. I moved in with her and dad after the job driving big rigs dried up and nothing else came in as a good job where i was living.
she flies into random blind rage days where she just flips out about shit instead of acting like an adult.
last time this happened i spent a night with dad in a hotel, because she had kept us up all night even though dad and i both have work/school in the morning, and when we got back home she was still blowing up and tried calling the cops on me, to accuse me of a bunch of shit.

she claimed i had "assault weapons" in my truck.

I handed the cops the keys and they found things to be perfectly in order and legal.

before they arrive she was repeatedly accusing me of some things i would rather not mention here because they are the kind of things that you simply don't want being connected to your name.

she did all of this, and even had gone back to my room to throw around furniture and trash the place, as well as ransacked the room as if she was looking for something else to start a fight over (mind you to physically hit a desk violently enough that it rotates 20-25 degrees out of position on the carpeted floor that is pretty good flexibility and strength for someone who just got out of surgery on their liver to remove a gall bladder stint)

all of this was done to me, simply so she could get rid of me.

fast forward a couple days in a hotel, dad is talking about moving me into a camper trailer next to the house as it was her idea.
fast forward 2 more days and suddenly she hates the idea (probably cause she finally realized it would put me back near the house)


so now i am sitting in a hotel every night, and to make it worse all of this happens and i get to be depressed about it on halloween... the one time of the year it is Lunas birthday, and the day she and tia both celebrate their birthdays together...

the only good in all of this is that the girls have both been there for me.. and that it has given me time to focus on doing little loving things with luna again.. we literally got to have dinner in ponyville last night before she got to do her usual "nightmare moon" fun and games with the local kiddos there. they even shared a little candy with her, and she sent them some sweets from the castle's kitchen back in canterlot.

so I guess there is some good going on right?