Sour’s Nonsense

[Sour Soul]

Amena is asleep at this time; I am somewhat alone in thought. I usually draw at this time or waste it with RL friends who are up. I really don’t have an outlet to reach out, because to some extent I close off my interaction with those I know, or accept the fact it wasn’t mean to be, which isn’t healthy for me really.

I don’t feel bad, or no longer discourage to interact with those here. I am somewhat waiting for someone to delete my account here again and leave me wondering what in blazes am I doing. My mindset is set on accept the bad, but lets have some fun with that! Which is why I pick this doggy as my profile picture. Lol!

I am well by the way, just passing the time by typing away and alleviate my thoughts that would wrap me like a thorn covered vine, and might use this often because I no longer want to deal with remaining RL friends I have. Sound pretty bad, but I feel like this is a phase. I don't know... but we will see how this goes. ^ ^ XP

[Rares]

Maybe the first thing you can do for yourself is work on, since you say you realize it isn't healthy, maybe see if you can help yourself by not closing off interactions so quickly? Think about what causes you to do that, and how you can end the phase faster yourself? I also find that in these type of situations, being alone with my thoughts, sometimes it's best to just get to sleep as soon as you can. That was some nasty thoughts don't get a chance to develop far.

[whobawhats]

I am somewhat waiting for someone to delete my account here again and leave me wondering what in blazes am I doing.

While I'm not sure how to help you in regards to the rest of what you mentioned I assure you that as long as I have my position that will absolutely not happen to you or anyone else. That level of power abuse from anyone on staff (including myself) is absolutely intolerable.

[Sour Soul]

Woke up around 6AM, Amena, Fluttershy, and Maria are asleep. It’s 8:51AM as I type this, and I spent close to three hours on a post for the thread I'd made.

...

I almost forgot I wrote that, and would like to wrap this up before it’s next week. XD

Maybe the first thing you can do for yourself is work on, since you say you realize it isn't healthy…

Work on what? I haven’t drawn, since... day before I made this thread. When I made this thread, I'd woke up early for my trip onto another city. There, I spoke with my lawyer for six hours, we worked on my case against my last job.

…maybe see if you can help yourself by not closing off interactions so quickly?

Too late! Even today, I haven’t responded on their request for me to play with them. I really don't want to deal with them this month. I just want a break from them. I don’t know if I should even talk about the jacka*ses, currently and/or those I had pleasure of meaning, while wanting to hitting them with a wooden baseball bat.

Think about what causes you to do that, and how you can end the phase faster yourself?

… Could you rephrase that, Rares? Please and thank you.

Amena: ^ ^

I also find that in these type of situations, being alone with my thoughts, sometimes it's best to just get to sleep as soon as you can. That was some nasty thoughts don't get a chance to develop far.

First of all, I am use to those thoughts you speak of, Rares. Second, after I made this thread; which is November 1, 2017, it seem the thread “Tulpamancy and Waifus” I made has help keep my mind busy, when I will wake up early and Amena the rest of the ponies and non-ponies are sleep. It also has kept me from finishing the background for the Fluttershy sketch I made. XD

It’s fine, because not only it helps me work on my grammar and sentence structure, but help me understand those who are interacting in that same thread I mention.

While I'm not sure how to help you in regards to the rest of what you mentioned…

You can’t.

… I assure you that as long as I have my position that will absolutely not happen to you or anyone else. That level of power abuse from anyone on staff (including myself) is absolutely intolerable.

I believe that when pigs fly or you delete the one responsible for deleting my first account. It's only fair, plus, I still feel like he has the power to log back in and do it again. Reason I believe that, is because he had done it when he wasn’t admin. I am not that upset about it, because I don't really care, but I often think, before I log in here, if I am banned or deleted here again.

[Sour Soul]

Sitting on the ledge of a four story building with Maria.

"Have you ever wondered, to yourself, what the fu*k I am doing? Sometimes?" I said looking at the starry sky, and then looking at Maria for her response.

Maria didn't give much thought while she bite down her sandwich, and said in nonchalant tone, "Hmm, nope, but I do wonder about what the fu*k you're doing though." as she looked forward saying that, took another bite of her sandwich, and then she looked at me to give me a smile.

We laughed as this night is coming to a close for us.

[Sour Soul]

Does anybody relate to the feeling of wanting to care, but you're afraid just how much it might cause harm for yourself in the end?

It’s something I wonder today, when I had logged in here and still find myself thinking since then. It's a thought, but it's something I feel like discussing with those here, who and now I feel comfortable talking with.

[Gray]

Does anybody relate to the feeling of wanting to care, but you're afraid just how much it might cause harm for yourself in the end?

Oh absolutely. Then I have silly feelings of "maybe I should care" and end up feeling, weird guilty for not caring. Which isn't really "not caring" so I dunno.

[Sour Soul]

Oh absolutely. Then I have silly feelings of "maybe I should care" and end up feeling, weird guilty for not caring. Which isn't really "not caring" so I dunno.

Does it make us human for not caring?

When a conscience is speaking, it helps regulate our action or behavior. When I fail to help a stranger, it will bother me, but I learn to ignore it. Now with Amena being in my life, her presents will further reenforce the conscience I have, just to see what I can do, and if I can be any assistance for them.

When I was sitting in my chair this morning; thinking in front of my computer, I could only wonder what I could do about an issue that had emerge in front of me. It's clear what I should do, since I don't enjoy seeing others suffering.

In conclusion, I will take the risk, because I value others with a good heart, and if I fail, then I can only do what is right, keeping in mind the mistakes, and keep on going with my life. Sound simple enough. Hmm... (Thinking more in the mean time)

[Sour Soul]

Southern accent: I say again, the level of fu*ks given today is too damn high for me.

...

I feel not out of place, but it feels odd enough to wonder why… Why are their two emotions awkwardly being in the same room with me? I now wonder if I ever get over this, and can’t help feeling it will. Too bad I don’t know a Sunset Shimmer, since I feel like she and I can relate. -_-

In other news I fu*k up my sleeping schedule, which I will have to fix. Amena is asleep, Maud is still usually up this time, but keeping my thoughts occupied a bit here and this post. Excuse me as I will draw now.

[Sour Soul]

Amena wanting to listen to classic Christmas songs.

My feelings below are shown, as I am listening to them with Amena in the same room.

Spoiler

Regardless how I feel, I still love her. XD

Amena: ^ ^ Thank you. (Amena kisses Sour on the cheek) :3 -w-

Worth the post! :D