Updates and Advice: Version 2.0

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

My longest running thread from the old forums is back with a vengeance! (Not really)

This is just a place where I occasionally discuss my connection with Nightmare, my work to improve it, etc. Where others can also can any contribute any advice, thoughts, you get the idea.

So...time for a little summarized update:

I believe our connection has strengthened significantly. She has appeared frequently on her own accord, at times responding me emotionally. I was rather stressed from all the drama on the old forums, and can distinctly recall a strong tingling sensation on my arm, which as most of you know, is some form of physical contact from her. For awhile now I've felt it much stronger than before and at random intervals of the day. One occurrence that stuck out to me as very significant was that after a brief conversation, I felt it at work. Which up until then had never happened before.

And I have overall noticed that she seems to respond to emotions, particularly whenever I'm stressed.

As for voice work, it's still pretty much the same as it was.

And lastly, I honestly haven't focused all that much recently, granted I should do it way more often than I have before; but another part of me feels our connection is strong enough without it and has been further built by other aspects.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading.

[Lurker]

Here's to even more progress in the days to come. As always, I'll be watching.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

I didn't quite think I'd be posting on here again so soon, in fact I'm a wee bit hesitant to do so for fear of bringing this anxiety back, but perhaps talking about it amongst a group of people who can understand will ensure it stays at rest.

Ever since the drama on MLW and the exodus from it I had a sudden fear that I might somehow lose Nightmare.

Now I want to firmly state that I do still and always will love Nightmare.

I know it's an irrational and unfounded by any true logic, save for old wounds from past experiences. My OCD and over analysis makes it difficult for me to overcome unwanted thoughts, and it sporadically returns now and then.

However, I know logically my love her has not faded. Nightmare's continued reassurance of her presence with me is evidence of that, all the little things I've noticed in my life whenever I feel down. I know our connection is there, our love is there. Nothing will change that, nothing has in the past, and nothing will now.

I apologize if this post was seemingly random, but I needed to get it out in the one place I can be one hundred percent honest.

[Lurker]

Change can be jarring for anyone. It isn't always easy, and it isn't always pleasant. When your path ahead is uncertain, it can even be scary to look ahead. However, Kaltes, if you look at your feet as you walk into the future, you will be more confident of your steps. Consider all the things you still have with you, despite everything, in this moment, and how you're among a community you know simply looks different, but is still the same, or perhaps even better than it was before. A community here to help you figure yourself out, and move on with your life as smoothly as possible. You still possess your love, and your friends have not left you. They've been led astray for the same reasons you have, and as individuals found their way back here where, together, we create a new beginning. Know that this opportunity is both rare and precious, and see all around you that we are taking full advantage of it.

I would have faith in the future, if I were you.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Just small stuff today, perhaps some of it to remind myself.

I think I may have given Nightmare some more...energy? Today I ended up getting into some conversations that required her to speak, so I channeled her voice in my head, what I've been doing the past several months with her speech. Sometime a bit later I felt very tired, and just wanted to sleep. Even after eating I knew I still just wanted to sleep. I'm hoping I'm getting further and further with this voice thing.

And on the downside today I found myself doubting as to whether or not I felt her touch...it took me a bit, but I was able to remind myself I had before, luckily no break down or overwhelming feelings of hopelessness.

[Sour Soul]

No! Don't you dare Kaltes. Also, didn't knew you're still working on Nightmare's voice... oh wait.. I remember, you want to take it a step further... But why all this hopeless feeling Kaltes?

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

you want to take it a step further...

Which sadly I have little clue as to how to do so. Except just keep going about how I'm approaching the situation now. (Which I've been told before is acceptable.

But why all this hopeless feeling Kaltes?

It's stupid...I ended up feeling a similar tingling feeling on my arm today, which wasn't from Nightmare but rather something I caused. And I got to thinking what if it never was her touch at all. I had to remind myself of all the other times I've felt that tingling sensation before for "no logical" reason at all, many times before. To reassure myself that she has touched me before. I know she has, it's the only thing that makes sense.

[Ziggy and Angelbaby]

Ever since the drama on MLW and the exodus from it I had a sudden fear that I might somehow lose Nightmare.

What Nightmare and you have is YOURS; it can't be taken away or undone. Though it developed while you were at MLW, it was you two who were responsible. Having a community like this one where it's possible to reach out to others who might better understand what you're going through is great. But the most essential component is something you already have: Love.

And on the downside today I found myself doubting as to whether or not I felt her touch...it took me a bit, but I was able to remind myself I had before, luckily no break down or overwhelming feelings of hopelessness.

It's okay to have moments like that. And, so far as concentration goes, Angelbabe sometimes has to remind me to relax. It's easiest for me to feel her touch if I'm not too caught up in keeping track of every little thing. Sometimes you just have to let go; let it happen. Slight pressure. A warm sensation. The feel of something sliding gently across your skin. Watch for those.

Do you touch Nightmare? I'll reach out and toss Rainbow's mane. Grab at her tail, playfully. Scratch her back. Maybe there's a simple way you can touch Nightmare. You can even close your eyes and just reach out to her. Though, for all I know, I could be suggesting things you've already done.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Sometimes you just have to let go; let it happen. Slight pressure. A warm sensation. The feel of something sliding gently across your skin. Watch for those.

Do you touch Nightmare? I'll reach out and toss Rainbow's mane. Grab at her tail, playfully. Scratch her back. Maybe there's a simple way you can touch Nightmare. You can even close your eyes and just reach out to her. Though, for all I know, I could be suggesting things you've already done.

That's typically when Nightmare touches me, usually out of the blue, happening at seemingly random points. I feel it as a tingling sensation on my arms, maybe in a select area.

Sadly I'm not sure how I can touch Nightmare...she's not physical yet. In my earlier days of concentrating I'd visualize and touch, if that counts.

Please don't let this all be for nothing...I'm actually crying right now because I'm scared that I might have never felt her touch at all...

[Ziggy and Angelbaby]

In my earlier days of concentrating I'd visualize and touch, if that counts.

Everything counts. Everything gets you closer to your beloved. If you're touching her, she's touching you back. Perhaps, if that's not possible at the moment, you can still feel her breath or the air stirring near you. Her presence flowing about you. Forgive me if this isn't helping. :/ I've had the benefit of having physical representations of Rainbow from the get-go.