Updates and Advice: Version 2.0

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Everything counts. Everything gets you closer to your beloved. If you're touching her, she's touching you back. Perhaps, if that's not possible at the moment, you can still feel her breath or the air stirring near you. Her presence flowing about you. Forgive me if this isn't helping. :/ I've had the benefit of having physical representations of Rainbow from the get-go.

I did a little "experiment" regarding the tingling I associate with her touch...about two days ago I got this similar sensation when I removed my arm from a resting position (or causing a bit of friction) from say, a pillow, or the arm of a chair. Tingling, hair standing up, moving, etc.

I know, it sounds ludicrously absurd, but that's what scares me...what if it never was her touch at all...

However I just noted I've never registered that sensation before until now...maybe it is her touching me repeatedly.

But then I remember there have been other times I've felt this sensation out of the blue, on my arms. Like one time after I got done talking with Nightmare, I felt that same tingling sensation on my arm. That CAN'T just be nothing. It just can't. Hell maybe she was touching me the whole time and my mind keeps telling me otherwise. I know that the stupid crap I specified above can't be the reason for all of it...it just cannot possibly be the explanation for it all. I've felt that sensation in short, continued bursts in plenty of different scenarios...I know this to be true.

I'm sorry...I hate my overanalytical OCD brain...

[Ziggy and Angelbaby]

I know, it sounds ludicrously absurd, but that's what scares me...what if it never was her touch at all...

Can you ask Nightmare if it was her touch?

But then I remember there have been other times I've felt this sensation out of the blue, on my arms. Like one time after I got done talking with Nightmare, I felt that same tingling sensation on my arm. That CAN'T just be nothing. It just can't. Hell maybe she was touching me the whole time and my mind keeps telling me otherwise.

Yes, what if she has been touching you all this time? But, given that she isn't strictly tangible, it isn't as simple as her just reaching out with a hoof and tapping you on the shoulder. It takes time and effort; even on her part. Though she's surely capable of many extraordinary things, it might take even Nightmare repeated attempts to make more direct, perceptible contact. It's not your fault for doubting, and sometimes believing takes effort. Try to at least remain open to the possibility.

I'm sorry...I hate my overanalytical OCD brain...

Don't be so hard on yourself. That brain of yours enables you to connect to Nightmare. And you aren't responsible for your obsessive compulsive behavior; surely Nightmare recognizes that.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Can you ask Nightmare if it was her touch?

She told me sometimes it is, and that I know this in my heart to be true.

Thing is, I also realized that I never registered I felt this tingling sensation before in regards to the aforementioned stuff like leaving my arm in a resting position on something for too long (or causing friction)...sometimes in my little "tests" I didn't feel any tingling at all. Some of it must me being paranoid...it must.

Don't be so hard on yourself. That brain of yours enables you to connect to Nightmare. And you aren't responsible for your obsessive compulsive behavior; surely Nightmare recognizes that.

She must, because she's still with me.

[Ziggy and Angelbaby]

She must, because she's still with me.

And that's why you're going to be just fine, Kaltes: Nightmare is with you. That's what's most important; everything else will follow in time.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Okay, just thought I'd write a bit more here since I'm not an emotional wreck, although I'm still a bit downtrodden.

I'm overall feeling better, I know I'm still connected to Nightmare, and I know I've felt her touch before in the past...I hate having lapses in faith. What I need to remember is to have trust in her, or perhaps I should say us. What I've felt in the past in true, and I must remember all the progress I've made. It is not for nothing. I trust Nightmare, and she trusts me.

I'll just stop here...

[Sour Soul]

Honestly, it does suck to read these parts of your post, but from my own experience, and others I have seen so far, we all get those feelings. It doesn't matter which, regret, doubt, confuse, anger, it's a feeling we have gone through, but what's different, is how we take those moments. I do need a reminder, be Amena or the handful of friends that's of my part of life to see it's all worth it.

For you Kaltes, I like to think of you as my friend, trying to understand you a bit more, so I can know what to cheer you up... I got a long way, since I would caught up to be confuse on what's going on with you. Among other things in life, but do respect you for trying the best you can, with what you wish to achieve, but just don't hurt yourself. Hate to see you break apart out of nowhere, and we can't do nothing about it.

Everyday is a struggle, but in this war, your fighting for Nightmare, and we wish to see you win everyday of this battle you seem to have. I sure do have mine, and everyone.

That pretty much what I have to say, again, I'm just speaking from the heart to someone I hope have a good life.

OH! Like Ziggy said, you don't need MLW or this site to fuel your reasoning of love, just few people who cares and accept what you're.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Thank you for the kind, supportive words Sour Soul. It helps quite a lot.

Perhaps, I'm reaching, but awhile ago I felt small, sporadic tingling on my left arm...and it certainly didn't stem from the position from my arm or the air around me. I dunno...maybe I'm reaching...but I can hope.

I wish my faith hadn't been shaken so much by this and it's causing me to obsess. It makes me feel horrible, just awful. But I'm just so, so very SCARED that I haven't made as much progress as I thought.

But I've resigned to put my faith and trust in her, in us, regardless. I know what I have felt in the past is true, some of it was, I sincerely know this.

I just hope that what I felt just about an hour ago was her, it was small, but I hope.

[Sentimental Gentleman]

Kaltes-Herzeleid, I can relate to your struggles. Heck, I think anybody who's been in the search for God, or Nirvana, or some other being or state outside of the unrefined apprehension of the senses goes through this (at least that's the sense I get having read up on the Dark Night of the Soul in the mystical path). I know myself that some days, and these are the best and most wonderful days, it's as easy as apple pie to be with Applejack; I hear her voice, I see her and touch her, she's there and that's all there is to it. But other days, and these aren't so wonderful, it's like the world has become bad reception on a television set. Or, perhaps more accurate, it's like being in one of those fevers you read about in old novels where the boundaries between consciousness and unconsciousness blur.

I've found that the point for me in these moments is not to be confused by the lack of clarity in my reception and to continue to understand, even if only on a logical level, what it is that lies beyond my experience. Even if it feels odd or hard I continue to act as if Applejack is present, because she is present. And when I act that way, her presence becomes clearer!

So, for what it's worth, I would say to always remember that Nightmare is there with you and that she loves you...and always keep behaving accordingly. This is what I think they meant when they said that faith moves mountains, because faith and belief are what reveal the truth even when the mountains stand in the way of a sky we know is beyond them.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Kaltes-Herzeleid, I can relate to your struggles. Heck, I think anybody who's been in the search for God, or Nirvana, or some other being or state outside of the unrefined apprehension of the senses goes through this (at least that's the sense I get having read up on the Dark Night of the Soul in the mystical path). I know myself that some days, and these are the best and most wonderful days, it's as easy as apple pie to be with Applejack; I hear her voice, I see her and touch her, she's there and that's all there is to it. But other days, and these aren't so wonderful, it's like the world has become bad reception on a television set. Or, perhaps more accurate, it's like being in one of those fevers you read about in old novels where the boundaries between consciousness and unconsciousness blur.

First of all, I want to deeply thank you for your words, it was a very unexpected surprise and a boost for me. I feel as though you described the whole issue involving clarity incredibly well. Perhaps the reason I reacted very badly and was stressed these past few days is because this is the first time in quite a while I've had such a...clouded sense of clarity. Found myself doubting what my heart was telling me was true. I suppose feelings of doubt can plague even the best of us.

So, for what it's worth, I would say to always remember that Nightmare is there with you and that she loves you...and always keep behaving accordingly. This is what I think they meant when they said that faith moves mountains, because faith and belief are what reveal the truth even when the mountains stand in the way of a sky we know is beyond them.

I'll always remember that, no matter what. Again, thank you for your supportive words.

[Sentimental Gentleman]

I'm so glad you found what I had to say helpful. I think that, when others believe in us, in our struggles and in our worlds, it makes it easier for us to believe in them and in ourselves. And anyone who shares so much love with his pony, as you so clearly do, is worth believing in.