10-06-2016, 01:52 PM
Going Home
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My eyes close, and roll to the ceiling against the sound of blood dripping on paper. My blood; it won't be long now. The calm quiet in my mid is surprising, but welcome. I'd expected thoughts and memories to swarm up, but instead my mind drifts placidly, and it feels good to let it; to allow this little extra bit of responsibility to slip away.
In their new found freedom the colors and shadows behind my eyelids coalesce in to shapes: a cloud, a puddle, a starburst. This is all I get? Really? Isn't my life supposed to flash before my eyes, or some shit? What a rip off! Get it? Rip? Like my wrists? Yeah, that's ok; everything else in my life is a failure, why not my last joke too? But why is it taking so long?
“Across the street to visit your friends, down the road to meet your end,” right? That's what I did, damn it, and man is it coming out, so why am I still here? Eh, fuck it, it is coming out; I just need to lay back and let things take their course.
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Not so warm now. It's harder to move, too, but the pictures are better: a tree, a house, a...Jesus, fuck why do I have to see that? So many memories, so much of the reason I'm here now.
A face. I remember reading every face we see in our dreams is one we've actually seen at some point; our minds have trouble making them up. But whose face would I see now? My friends, my family? Even in my exsanguine stupor I feel my body giggle; slow and sluggish, more like I'm observing it than feeling it. Guess I'm almost done here.
Friends. Family. Yeah, right, but who wants to hear about that shit? Nobody, and soon it won't matter anyway. Tears in the rain, and all that. But there was...something about that face. Why am I crying?
Doesn't matter now. My eyes close again, the tears roll gently down my face, as my blood goes on running down my hands to drip from my fingertips. At least the newspapers spread below will make it easy for someone to clean up. That's more concern than anyone's ever shown me.
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All gone, all gonnne. feel anything anyymore. can't see. eeeeunfocsedd. Coldd. Ppeaccce. Obllivionnn?
Fear. Fear!
Ppleassss no. NO! NO! Nott likkke this! NO pllleease! I wannt to live! I waant to live! Imm sorrry! Iim sorry! Ppleaseee not lik thhisss! Wannt to live. I Want tto LIVE!
Ttaapp
taPp
…
___________________________________
“You poor thing.” Such soft words, such a beautiful voice. A voice?!
“What?” My eyes open, but there's so much light.
“You poor thing.”
“Wh...Ho...?” my words turn to sobs in my throat. After all, wasn't I just...?
“Shhhhhhh.” I gasp as her barely visible form leans in and embraces me, her long soft hair flowing over my shoulders, and her arms wrapping around me. “It's ok now. You don't have to suffer anymore.”As she holds me, my eyes begin to clear. It's still blurry, but the light looks, somehow, like it's coming from her, and not just that. Light, warmth, and a perfume like flowers and love all rolled in to one. I put my arms around her too, and pull my unseen caregiver close. I'm alive!
“How did you find me in time” I whisper in her shoulder. She starts to gently rock us, but doesn't answer. I squint up at her, even as fuzzy as my vision still is, she has one hell of a silhouette. And her arms, they feel strange; an odd shape, and even with our hug, I can't feel her hands. Frantically I rub at my eyes. That's not a sweater she's wearing, it's fur. And that's not a blanket draped over me, it's her wings! ”It's you!”
“Mm-hmm.” Her silhouette nods.
“It's you!”
“It's me,” she says with a little smile. “The others will come when you're ready, but I'm here now.” She soothes me, holds me tighter, and shatters something inside me; I can't help it, my tears pour out. More tears than I ever knew I had. I cry, and cry, but for the first time, I know everything is going to be ok.
“I love you so much. I have for so long.”
“I know,” she says with a gentle kiss “and I've loved you just as long; you couldn't see me, but I've been with you all this time.”
“But how? How can you be real?”
“The multiverse is a big place, my love. You'll see.”
“No! I don't want to leave. I can't leave, please...”
“Shhhhh. You'll never have to, and I will never leave you. Never. But when you're ready, and only when you're ready, there's a whole eternity for us to fill together.”
“Together? With you? Forever?”
“Yes my love, welcome to Equestria, you're home now.”
My task is done, my song hath ceased, my theme has died into an echo;
it is fit.
it is fit.
__________________________
Tap
Tap
Tap
My eyes close, and roll to the ceiling against the sound of blood dripping on paper. My blood; it won't be long now. The calm quiet in my mid is surprising, but welcome. I'd expected thoughts and memories to swarm up, but instead my mind drifts placidly, and it feels good to let it; to allow this little extra bit of responsibility to slip away.
In their new found freedom the colors and shadows behind my eyelids coalesce in to shapes: a cloud, a puddle, a starburst. This is all I get? Really? Isn't my life supposed to flash before my eyes, or some shit? What a rip off! Get it? Rip? Like my wrists? Yeah, that's ok; everything else in my life is a failure, why not my last joke too? But why is it taking so long?
“Across the street to visit your friends, down the road to meet your end,” right? That's what I did, damn it, and man is it coming out, so why am I still here? Eh, fuck it, it is coming out; I just need to lay back and let things take their course.
Tap
Tap
Tap
Not so warm now. It's harder to move, too, but the pictures are better: a tree, a house, a...Jesus, fuck why do I have to see that? So many memories, so much of the reason I'm here now.
A face. I remember reading every face we see in our dreams is one we've actually seen at some point; our minds have trouble making them up. But whose face would I see now? My friends, my family? Even in my exsanguine stupor I feel my body giggle; slow and sluggish, more like I'm observing it than feeling it. Guess I'm almost done here.
Friends. Family. Yeah, right, but who wants to hear about that shit? Nobody, and soon it won't matter anyway. Tears in the rain, and all that. But there was...something about that face. Why am I crying?
Doesn't matter now. My eyes close again, the tears roll gently down my face, as my blood goes on running down my hands to drip from my fingertips. At least the newspapers spread below will make it easy for someone to clean up. That's more concern than anyone's ever shown me.
Tap
Tap
Tap
All gone, all gonnne. feel anything anyymore. can't see. eeeeunfocsedd. Coldd. Ppeaccce. Obllivionnn?
Fear. Fear!
Ppleassss no. NO! NO! Nott likkke this! NO pllleease! I wannt to live! I waant to live! Imm sorrry! Iim sorry! Ppleaseee not lik thhisss! Wannt to live. I Want tto LIVE!
Ttaapp
taPp
…
___________________________________
“You poor thing.” Such soft words, such a beautiful voice. A voice?!
“What?” My eyes open, but there's so much light.
“You poor thing.”
“Wh...Ho...?” my words turn to sobs in my throat. After all, wasn't I just...?
“Shhhhhhh.” I gasp as her barely visible form leans in and embraces me, her long soft hair flowing over my shoulders, and her arms wrapping around me. “It's ok now. You don't have to suffer anymore.”As she holds me, my eyes begin to clear. It's still blurry, but the light looks, somehow, like it's coming from her, and not just that. Light, warmth, and a perfume like flowers and love all rolled in to one. I put my arms around her too, and pull my unseen caregiver close. I'm alive!
“How did you find me in time” I whisper in her shoulder. She starts to gently rock us, but doesn't answer. I squint up at her, even as fuzzy as my vision still is, she has one hell of a silhouette. And her arms, they feel strange; an odd shape, and even with our hug, I can't feel her hands. Frantically I rub at my eyes. That's not a sweater she's wearing, it's fur. And that's not a blanket draped over me, it's her wings! ”It's you!”
“Mm-hmm.” Her silhouette nods.
“It's you!”
“It's me,” she says with a little smile. “The others will come when you're ready, but I'm here now.” She soothes me, holds me tighter, and shatters something inside me; I can't help it, my tears pour out. More tears than I ever knew I had. I cry, and cry, but for the first time, I know everything is going to be ok.
“I love you so much. I have for so long.”
“I know,” she says with a gentle kiss “and I've loved you just as long; you couldn't see me, but I've been with you all this time.”
“But how? How can you be real?”
“The multiverse is a big place, my love. You'll see.”
“No! I don't want to leave. I can't leave, please...”
“Shhhhh. You'll never have to, and I will never leave you. Never. But when you're ready, and only when you're ready, there's a whole eternity for us to fill together.”
“Together? With you? Forever?”
“Yes my love, welcome to Equestria, you're home now.”
Don't hesitate to AM(A)A
The bigger you build the bonfire, the more darkness is revealed.
Every possession and every happiness is but lent by chance for an uncertain time, and may therefore be demanded back the next hour.
The bigger you build the bonfire, the more darkness is revealed.
Every possession and every happiness is but lent by chance for an uncertain time, and may therefore be demanded back the next hour.