Students of Heaven

[Gentian]

5 - Dawn

Canterlot
Present Day

My Dear Sunset Shimmer,

Congratulations!

Through the great strength true friendship provides, you defeated three of Equestria's ancient, powerful menaces. You are a brilliant, educated pony; you don't need me to tell you how this accomplishment shines, even though a part of me indulges in the idea of your relishing my praise, as you once did. This deed will see your name written into history, but it is not your only praiseworthy feat. What I wish to discuss in this letter is your other accomplishment: reformation.

We tell ourselves a myriad of stories about, and justifications for our actions. Our minds remember, forget, and reinterpret events in ways that make us appear laudable to ourselves. This protects us, yes, but it also stunts us; we cannot grow if we're blind to our own failings, and unfortunately, many are.

Intellectually, we know “Nopony's perfect,” but when it comes to it, we often lack the strength to see ourselves in the harsh light of reality. To drop our vanities, and see ourselves as we are, instead of as we imagine ourselves to be. They are never the same. To do this takes more fortitude than many possess, and still more, to realize when one is wanting.

It is difficult.

It is painful.

But you did it anyway, and more than that, you did not turn away. You faced the pain, and let it drive you to become better than you were. My dear Sunset, you are every bit the heroine, and so much greater than you realize. One day, you will be a princess. Because of this, there is one more thing I want to speak to you about.

You know of Princess Luna's rebellion, but will you let me tell you a bit more? When I took up the Elements of Harmony against her, it was not out of necessity, but hope. I'd hoped to intimidate her into giving up. Her rage against me, and her hatred lent her a reckless disregard for my own power, but even then the Elements were legendary, and I thought seeing me wielding them might bring her to her senses.

As you know, they did not. So, when I knew I could not delay any longer, I banished her. Instead of purifying her. Do you know why?

For centuries after I told myself that it was an accident; that in the heat of the moment, my control over the elements had slipped! In your studies, you are sure to have come across period illustrations showing me pink-haired. I ordered it so, to further convince myself that I was flustered, and not malicious; so flustered, in fact, that even the ever-present magic which keeps my hair colored, and in motion had faltered!

But it was a lie.

I banished her in anger. Pain at her betrayal, disgust that I had failed to act on the warning signs, and fear for my ponies' safety wove seamlessly into a spike of rage which bore an action that has haunted me for a thousand years.

You will not find what I have just told you in any history, or record of the land. Not even in the restricted archives. It is a secret I have kept since that time. It would be an understandable question to ask, then; why am I sharing it with you now? It is not as an excuse, or a solicitation for forgiveness, no. I love you, Sunset, but you are not my confidant. I tell you now, as a warning. You will find yourself in desperate situations. As a princess, it is inevitable. I hope you will learn from my moment of weakness, and temper your wrath.

I know you will not see this letter for some time. Since giving Twilight our book, I've begun writing them on ordinary paper, and saving them, because I still hope you'll return to me. Princess Luna has, and resumed her rightful place at my side. I hope that one day, you will read them, and know that even now, far across the multiverse, my thoughts are of you.

There is so much hope in this one little letter. Long experience has taught me such hope often goes unfulfilled. Were you anypony else, I would not dare hold so much of it, but you are you. Indomitable, unstoppable you.

I have faith in you.
~C


Canterlot Meadow
c1000 years ago

It's darker now, beneath my moon. Its once radiant, silver face is now marred with the shadow of my sister, so no longer shines as brightly. It's just as well; beneath my moon, I lay in our spot, and I cry.

Our spot, among the grass, and flowers, where we passed uncounted dawns, dusks, and gorgeous days and nights. This is where Luna invented the aurora, happily coloring her nights with my sun. This is where she first dyed my mane with the power of her love. This is where she frolicked and explored as a filly, never quite growing out of her playful nature, though her years became decades, and then centuries. This is the place she loved; her favorite in all Equestria, where our laughter echoed together as generations of mortal ponies came into our world, lived full, happy lives, and left it.

Now silent, but for the wind, and my pitiful wails.

My sister! Oh, my beloved Luna! If only you had listened! If only you had not forced my hoof! If only I'd had better control over the Elemen...

Beneath my stained moon, my thin veneer of equanimity collapses. I am alone, and have no need for it; mindlessly, I scream my pain to the mountain and let my sobs blot out my grief. On and on, I don't know for how long, and then, though my tears continue to fall, the sweet mental oblivion is broken.

My ponies. All my little ponies, so terrified, and so desperately in need of me. I'd freed them from Luna's spell, but great damage had already been done. They recoil at the thought of sleep now, and need my magic to lull them to rest, so traumatized are they by her nightmares. Nightmare Moon; that's what they're calling her now. All her beautiful works, and heartfelt love are forgotten; hers will be a legacy of terror.

It is a tragedy, in the truest sense, and once more, my heart tears itself from my chest to spill its blood over the meadow.

Over our meadow.

But I am Princess Celestia, and my ponies need me. As dawn approaches, I swallow my pain, and pull myself together. Luna needed me too. I saw the warning signs of what she was becoming, but did not heed them. I thought she knew how much I loved her, even if I did not show it as much as I wanted to. I believed her to understand why my position as ruler demanded I kept her at hoof's-length, that there was no other way, though I wanted nothing more than to embrace her. I was wrong. I failed her; I will not fail them, too.

As I lower the moon, wishing for a way to honor the memory of my beloved sister, an idea comes to me. Luna once confided in me how sad she had been when I ordered Canterlot Mountain abandoned, all those centuries ago. How her family had intended to move to the new town growing up around the jewel mine and open a farm, and how much she had been looking forward to living there.

I also think of our ruined castle in the Everfree; the workers will soon begin repairing it, but I no longer want to live there. It's triumphs and happy memories are buried, now beneath the weight of Luna's betrayal and violations; a seat of perdition, a monument to my failure. But our meadow brims with love and fond recollections.

I reach out and grasp the sun knowing what to do. I will abandon the Castle of the Two Sisters, and raise one here, in her memory: Canterlot Castle!

The dawn breaks and washes me in its golden brilliance. Its light is a new beginning for my ponies, and also for me. I did not realize the error in rationing the expression of my love soon enough to save Luna, but I can use that lesson to better rule my children. That too, will honor her. No more will I keep them at hoof's-length. No more will I rule from on-high, the distant, divine monarch. From now, until the end of Equestria, I will be the kind and warm leader they deserve. I love them all so very much, and now they will know it!