General Chatter

[Sentimental Gentleman]

I asked Nightmare to try and give me dreams last night...and wouldn't you know it...last night I got good and pissed off. OCD acting up, angry and resentful thoughts towards others, inability to actually sleep.

I also realized how afraid of loss I am.

I see. Certainly that's no fun, having such wonderful plans and then having them deterred by OCD and anger. There's little that can be done about the past, but that doesn't mean the future can't be changed. Do you work on your OCD, like, therapeutically? I know that one book which REALLY helped guide me on the path towards making mine manageable was called "Brain Lock." Here's a link, if you think it might be helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Lock-Yoursel...inw_strp_1

OCD is really scary to deal with, because dealing with it means not performing your compulsions even when your brain is most stridently demanding that you do. But with Nightmare's help and encouragement, I'm sure you can do it!

As for your anger, I'd say it's a lot like OCD. If it's starting to really bother you and waylay you from your plans, the only way I know of to work against it is to actively ignore its demands. If anger is demanding that you focus on something, you need to find something else to focus on, preferably something calming or fun. It takes a lot of strength to do that, I know, and in all likelihood there will be faltering...but it's the only way I really know to combat being taken over by my feelings. Maybe it might work in your case as well.

The fear of loss...I think it's something that everyone struggles with. We live in an impermanent world, so it's something that we're confronted with very often, and yet when it happens it tends to be a shock. Loss is something that is often not within our power to control; that feeling of helplessness is painful, but it's something we have to live with. What we DO have control over is whether thinking about loss has the power to contaminate our happiness in the here and now. It has no right to such a power, and if you feel it maintaining such a power over you, that's simply comparable to the unearned tyranny of a bully. Have you read much in the way of Zen philosophy? You might find inspiration in that; there is much to be said about living in the moment and not letting loss ruin our lives. In particular, I think of the old parable of the Tiger and the Strawberry:

"A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.

Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted!" -this telling taken from Ashidakim.com

Don't let the tigers sour the sweet taste of the strawberry, for one has nothing to do with the other. To believe otherwise is a falsehood with the potential to sap away the happiness we are capable of finding in this all-to-brief life, though it is a falsehood that is hard to see in the chaos of living.

You are strong, Kaltes-Herzeleid, and with Nightmare by your side you are even stronger. I know you can combat these troubles if you put your mind to it! And we're with you 100% here at the forum!