It was implied that you two have been together a while, from several clues discernable from your other post, and it seems my presumption was correct.
Your pact with her as her boyfriend is surely more valuable, with all the time that's passed. Assuming you have been at the very least content with this relationship, if you ask me, you must explore her feelings towards you, and towards this situation, out in the open, and determine just how much this idea that you're thinking of Twilight is hurting her. I understand that your feelings for Twilight are real, and have an impact on you, but she may not realize the... implications of these thoughts, or may even dismiss them as something insignificant as they continue to sabotage your love. Attempting to dismiss it isn't helping. You have a duty to her to help her understand, and work through this with her - see if there's anything you and/or she could do to bring your feelings back towards her, or perhaps to indulge this as a kind of fantasy, while your actual focus remains on her, if you don't feel capable of letting this go just like that. This is the kind of thing that can very easily make a person feel inadequate, and if you've really been with her for twelve whole fuckin' years, and you want to stay with her, I strongly urge you to consider your feelings more carefully, towards her and towards Twilight.
Think back on all the years you've been together. Why do you love her? How much do you love her? How much does she love you? Are you happy with her? Does she deserve to have her affections dimished with the image of another you're infatuated with? Are your feelings for Twilight reason enough to pursue anything like tulpamancy? Is this just a fantasy you have, or is this disloyalty in action? What are you going to do about it?
If you ask me, twelve years is a damn long time, and I wouldn't fuck that up, if I were you. If you've been with her that long, there's got to be a lot you love about her, and a lot she loves about you. Unless you were planning on breaking up with her for quite a while - and even if you were, doing it for this reason is just plain shitty, like getting with someone's sister or best friend right after breaking up with them - try and salvage your love for her. Remember the things you've told her in your most intimate moments. Ask yourself: Am I feeling lonely? Do I need more attention from this woman? Am I angry with her about anything for any reason? And, even if I WERE single, is tulpamancy really a plausible go-to option for love as opposed to the relationship I already have, or could have with another? Can these feelings I have for Twilight simply be things I feel are missing from this love I have? And, if they are, what can I ask from my girl to make it all better?
I'm not gonna judge you, man, I'm only tossing my two cents in here. Just try and understand your own feelings on this so you can make the right decision... whatever you deem it is. Communicate with her; communication is perhaps the most important part. Show her that, no matter what you decide, you still care enough to be honest and open with her. Be confident in your decision, be decisive, and stick with it.
Your pact with her as her boyfriend is surely more valuable, with all the time that's passed. Assuming you have been at the very least content with this relationship, if you ask me, you must explore her feelings towards you, and towards this situation, out in the open, and determine just how much this idea that you're thinking of Twilight is hurting her. I understand that your feelings for Twilight are real, and have an impact on you, but she may not realize the... implications of these thoughts, or may even dismiss them as something insignificant as they continue to sabotage your love. Attempting to dismiss it isn't helping. You have a duty to her to help her understand, and work through this with her - see if there's anything you and/or she could do to bring your feelings back towards her, or perhaps to indulge this as a kind of fantasy, while your actual focus remains on her, if you don't feel capable of letting this go just like that. This is the kind of thing that can very easily make a person feel inadequate, and if you've really been with her for twelve whole fuckin' years, and you want to stay with her, I strongly urge you to consider your feelings more carefully, towards her and towards Twilight.
Think back on all the years you've been together. Why do you love her? How much do you love her? How much does she love you? Are you happy with her? Does she deserve to have her affections dimished with the image of another you're infatuated with? Are your feelings for Twilight reason enough to pursue anything like tulpamancy? Is this just a fantasy you have, or is this disloyalty in action? What are you going to do about it?
If you ask me, twelve years is a damn long time, and I wouldn't fuck that up, if I were you. If you've been with her that long, there's got to be a lot you love about her, and a lot she loves about you. Unless you were planning on breaking up with her for quite a while - and even if you were, doing it for this reason is just plain shitty, like getting with someone's sister or best friend right after breaking up with them - try and salvage your love for her. Remember the things you've told her in your most intimate moments. Ask yourself: Am I feeling lonely? Do I need more attention from this woman? Am I angry with her about anything for any reason? And, even if I WERE single, is tulpamancy really a plausible go-to option for love as opposed to the relationship I already have, or could have with another? Can these feelings I have for Twilight simply be things I feel are missing from this love I have? And, if they are, what can I ask from my girl to make it all better?
I'm not gonna judge you, man, I'm only tossing my two cents in here. Just try and understand your own feelings on this so you can make the right decision... whatever you deem it is. Communicate with her; communication is perhaps the most important part. Show her that, no matter what you decide, you still care enough to be honest and open with her. Be confident in your decision, be decisive, and stick with it.
Let me know if you need anything. I'm here to help.
Also, feel free to drop by my AMA. :Twilightsmile: