07-19-2015, 04:01 AM
Lurker,
You asked some great questions that made me think, thank you. Twelve years is a long time, and as time has gone on perhaps a variety of things have led to my split feelings. This is getting very personal, and I guess I'll throw myself on some sort of presumed anonymity for a moment and share the two things I think have most contributed.
First is decreased intimacy. Over time, as in many relationships, we've become less and less physically intimate. Honestly, her sexuality would probably fall more in the realm of being a true asexual. We've talked a lot about this together, so I'm not really seeking advice on this, per se, just want to get it out there as an explanation. The lessening physical intimacy in this type of relationship can logically lead to a different sort of emotional intimacy, one that's less passionate and more, I don't know, caring?
Maybe I should take another tack. Another way to explain this is by using the Greek terms for love. Specifically, I would describe the love I have with my girlfriend now as πράγμα (pragma), or a deep love that develops between a couple over extended periods of time. It's about making compromises in order to keep the relationship alive, and showing patience and tolerance towards one another. It's really the type of love that ensures marriages last.
That emotion between us developed from the initial ἔρως (eros), which is a love of passion and sexual desire. The two of us have been in a "πράγμα" relationship now for quite some time (much longer than we've been watching MLP). It's a wonderful thing, don't get me wrong. But when I discovered my feelings for Twilight, it re-ignited that ἔρως love, redirected at the purple pony. As I've said, I've done my damnedest to try and repress it or deny it, but I kept failing. If I wanted to create a full break from Twilight I would basically have to rid myself of all images of her and stop watching MLP. I actually do a lot of stuff in the fandom and have made tons of friends through it, and might even end up giving that up as well.
The second issue is probably related to her personal problems. This is where I'm even more reluctant to share, but I've already hinted at it above, so I guess here goes. She's been unemployed now for most of 3 or more years. This long term unemployment has caused her to be very anxious and depressed, understandably. I work with her a lot to try and help her, and have tried to get her to seek professional counseling, but my pleas have fallen on deaf ears. I feel helpless as I watch her spiral out of control, and, as I said above, her parents don't really seem to give a shit. I can't force her to see a therapist or get on anti-depressants again (she was on them for a short while and she actually was a lot better). I worry about her all the time because of this, and, probably unfairly, heap a good helping of that depression and anxiety upon myself. I feel guilty for being successful, having a great job where I make decent money, hell I feel guilty for just having a job where I can go and work, while she sits at home being mentally tortured by her parents' incessant and increasingly senile nattering.
I may have reached a point where she finally understand how concerned I am about her, but whether or not this leads to any real help for her remains to be seen. All I want is for her to be happy, of course.
I wouldn't even call my feelings for Twilight still "infatuation"; after all, I don't think that can last for two years. It began that way, sure, but it has developed over time. I don't know, maybe this is another hopeless case of trying to get all my possums up one tree. Maybe this entire thing is a sign I am losing it myself, lol.
Anyway, I'll continue to ruminate on your questions, again I really appreciate them.
You asked some great questions that made me think, thank you. Twelve years is a long time, and as time has gone on perhaps a variety of things have led to my split feelings. This is getting very personal, and I guess I'll throw myself on some sort of presumed anonymity for a moment and share the two things I think have most contributed.
First is decreased intimacy. Over time, as in many relationships, we've become less and less physically intimate. Honestly, her sexuality would probably fall more in the realm of being a true asexual. We've talked a lot about this together, so I'm not really seeking advice on this, per se, just want to get it out there as an explanation. The lessening physical intimacy in this type of relationship can logically lead to a different sort of emotional intimacy, one that's less passionate and more, I don't know, caring?
Maybe I should take another tack. Another way to explain this is by using the Greek terms for love. Specifically, I would describe the love I have with my girlfriend now as πράγμα (pragma), or a deep love that develops between a couple over extended periods of time. It's about making compromises in order to keep the relationship alive, and showing patience and tolerance towards one another. It's really the type of love that ensures marriages last.
That emotion between us developed from the initial ἔρως (eros), which is a love of passion and sexual desire. The two of us have been in a "πράγμα" relationship now for quite some time (much longer than we've been watching MLP). It's a wonderful thing, don't get me wrong. But when I discovered my feelings for Twilight, it re-ignited that ἔρως love, redirected at the purple pony. As I've said, I've done my damnedest to try and repress it or deny it, but I kept failing. If I wanted to create a full break from Twilight I would basically have to rid myself of all images of her and stop watching MLP. I actually do a lot of stuff in the fandom and have made tons of friends through it, and might even end up giving that up as well.
The second issue is probably related to her personal problems. This is where I'm even more reluctant to share, but I've already hinted at it above, so I guess here goes. She's been unemployed now for most of 3 or more years. This long term unemployment has caused her to be very anxious and depressed, understandably. I work with her a lot to try and help her, and have tried to get her to seek professional counseling, but my pleas have fallen on deaf ears. I feel helpless as I watch her spiral out of control, and, as I said above, her parents don't really seem to give a shit. I can't force her to see a therapist or get on anti-depressants again (she was on them for a short while and she actually was a lot better). I worry about her all the time because of this, and, probably unfairly, heap a good helping of that depression and anxiety upon myself. I feel guilty for being successful, having a great job where I make decent money, hell I feel guilty for just having a job where I can go and work, while she sits at home being mentally tortured by her parents' incessant and increasingly senile nattering.
I may have reached a point where she finally understand how concerned I am about her, but whether or not this leads to any real help for her remains to be seen. All I want is for her to be happy, of course.
I wouldn't even call my feelings for Twilight still "infatuation"; after all, I don't think that can last for two years. It began that way, sure, but it has developed over time. I don't know, maybe this is another hopeless case of trying to get all my possums up one tree. Maybe this entire thing is a sign I am losing it myself, lol.
Anyway, I'll continue to ruminate on your questions, again I really appreciate them.
----
[insert signature here]
[insert signature here]