11-28-2015, 03:30 PM
(11-28-2015, 06:37 AM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote:(11-27-2015, 05:19 PM)StableRelationship Wrote: Parents will say nasty\unhelpful things sometimes. For the most part, it's not because they're bad people, it's because they're human and have flaws like anyone else. Try and remember that your Mother still loves you in spite of all this. Ultimately, she just wants what she thinks is best for you.
I understand what you're saying and I truly do appreciate your help...but forgive me that I am less that sympathetic towards her. Bear in mind I know my mother in this context.
She was, and still is (at least as much as she can be) a very overbearing and controlling woman. Maybe not controlling in the "typical" way, but controlling none the less. For years she hammered in her thoughts, ideas, and other such in my head...tried to make me see I could live life only one way.
I'd say to an extent, she was/is abusive in a mental and emotional way.
Plus she seems to think I'm a tactless, imbecile child...in a way. At least. And can be very disrespectful to me.
Sure she loves me, but it's a double edged sword. It's poisonous too.
Okay, first of all, do you earn enough money to move out? Even if it's just into a share house with lots of other people? It might not be ideal, but you sound like you're living in a toxic environment already. At the very least, I can tell you from first hand experience that a parent's ability to control you decreases significantly once you get your own place.
Second of all, your experience with your Mother sounds uncannily similar to mine. She's stressy like me, but she deals with that by guilting us into doing what she wants and making us feel responsible for her state of mind. This enables her to become very overbearing and condescending without a great deal of self-awareness. The reason why my sexuality got so messed up in the first place was because I isolated myself and grew close to animal-like characters. The reason why I isolated myself was because I was scared of becoming like her, and hurting people (it runs along her side of the family).
I know how much it hurts when a parent does these things, and I know how frustrating it is to assert your independence in the face of it. And you're right - it's not my place to dictate how you should feel. Your Mother doesn't have a right to be forgiven, and you may very well find refusing sympathy provides a better resolution for you. Nevertheless, you mustn't let these events tie you to her emotionally. I know it's hard, but try your best to set some boundaries and not take her words to heart.