(11-05-2017, 02:17 PM)Gray Wrote: Oh, she got married and moved away.

Then this person was more like friends with benefits. Gray, do you see yourself with another person in this world to be with?

(11-05-2017, 02:17 PM)Gray Wrote: I guess when she told me about what was happening, I was kinda sad that me and Twilight wouldn't be seeing her much anymore.

Do you remember the reaction and/or what Twilight said to you, Gray?

Or did you share how you felt with that person?

(11-05-2017, 02:17 PM)Gray Wrote: Was also kinda jealous because, "another one of my friends getting married, but I'm not" it's silly but I'd like to maybe someday marry Twilight maybe

Who said that? You or another person, either way, it sound like what you quote, is worried they aren’t getting hitched, while the rest of their friends are.

Gray, we know you love Twilight, but are you holding yourself till you can meet her? Or are you going to keep her in mind, while you’re doing the best you can here and be with another in this world? Nothing is wrong with that, Gray, we’re just wondering what are you seeking at this moment.

(11-05-2017, 04:26 PM)Rares Wrote: I write about my daily experiences, dedicated to her.

I sort of picture you two reading that diary together.

Amena: ^ ^

(11-05-2017, 04:26 PM)Rares Wrote: Yes.

You know that by a fact? Seem weird to have writers not know the backstories of our heroines. Plus I don’t know what’s going on after season four or the Brony community.

(11-05-2017, 04:26 PM)Rares Wrote: Yes. Each plush just represents a different type of feeling, but they're still all the same to me.

Understood.

Amena: o: That's a lot of plushies then. ^ ^

(11-05-2017, 04:26 PM)Rares Wrote: Please understand, English isn't his first language. When that's the case, the tone can be a bit more blunt or put a certain way. I spoke to him about it.

Eh, I don’t hold it against him, like those who I had a confrontational past here or in the last site.

(11-06-2017, 01:38 AM)Sour Soul Wrote:

(11-05-2017, 02:17 PM)Gray Wrote: Oh, she got married and moved away.

Then this person was more like friends with benefits. Gray, do you see yourself with another person in this world to be with?

(11-05-2017, 02:17 PM)Gray Wrote: I guess when she told me about what was happening, I was kinda sad that me and Twilight wouldn't be seeing her much anymore.

Do you remember the reaction and/or what Twilight said to you, Gray?

Or did you share how you felt with that person?

(11-05-2017, 02:17 PM)Gray Wrote: Was also kinda jealous because, "another one of my friends getting married, but I'm not" it's silly but I'd like to maybe someday marry Twilight maybe

Who said that? You or another person, either way, it sound like what you quote, is worried they aren’t getting hitched, while the rest of their friends are.

Gray, we know you love Twilight, but are you holding yourself till you can meet her? Or are you going to keep her in mind, while you’re doing the best you can here and be with another in this world? Nothing is wrong with that, Gray, we’re just wondering what are you seeking at this moment.

"another one of my friends getting married, but I'm not" was my thoughts. Was kinda jealous because, maybe wanna marry Twilight, but only if she's, "here" I guess. Would kinda make me sad tryna marry a Twilight plush that isn't a vessel for Twilight or something. I dunno. I'm not worried about "getting hitched" to anyone, have little to no romantic interest in any other human-beings. Really not too interested in tryna date people. Just fine with Twilight plushies I think. Was pretty fun and nice having the "herd" or whatever with my friend but, yeah, just friends with benefits.

(11-06-2017, 02:20 AM)Gray Wrote: "another one of my friends getting married, but I'm not" was my thoughts. Was kinda jealous because, maybe wanna marry Twilight, but only if she's, "here" I guess.

Hmm, there is certainly a lot of doubt from what I can read from the few post you had given me. As you stated when you said you’re unsure about Twilight and you. Unsure as you may be, it’s fine as of now.

Another question, what will you do if somehow this world brought you Twilight, where no one can see her, hear, feel, but only you, Gray. There is no quest or predicament that Twilight needs to be in her world. Twilight is a guest. Will you do the things you say in your journal still, Gray?

(11-06-2017, 02:20 AM)Gray Wrote: Would kinda make me sad tryna marry a Twilight plush that isn't a vessel for Twilight or something.

The real Twilight, and not the plush that brings you comfort, is that correct, Gray?

(11-06-2017, 02:20 AM)Gray Wrote: I dunno. I'm not worried about "getting hitched" to anyone, have little to no romantic interest in any other human-beings. Really not too interested in tryna date people. Just fine with Twilight plushies I think. Was pretty fun and nice having the "herd" or whatever with my friend but, yeah, just friends with benefits.

If given an opportunity, will you do it again with another human in this world? Or are you unsure how things may turn out down the road of your life, Gray?

(11-06-2017, 04:13 AM)Sour Soul Wrote: Another question, what will you do if somehow this world brought you Twilight, where no one can see her, hear, feel, but only you, Gray. There is no quest or predicament that Twilight needs to be in her world. Twilight is a guest. Will you do the things you say in your journal still, Gray?

That would be amazing, Twilight simply being a guest, can visit me or her friends back home at will anytime she wants. That would be amazing, and absolutely, I'd like to try a relationship with her. If she'd be happy and would have me, I would love to be with her, and go on dates and whatnot, like a regular couple.

Part of reason the herd thing was nice was because, kinda going on date with Twilight plush, and another friend, and to most other people, would look like I was on a date with just friend. So could kinda ninja take Twilight plush out, and other herdmate was kinda the normie-bait distraction.

(11-06-2017, 04:13 AM)Sour Soul Wrote: The real Twilight, and not the plush that brings you comfort, is that correct, Gray?

Yea, real Twilight, preferably. Though I can see myself someday, in a fit of depression and desperation likely, simply marrying the plush.

(11-06-2017, 04:13 AM)Sour Soul Wrote: If given an opportunity, will you do it again with another human in this world? Or are you unsure how things may turn out down the road of your life, Gray?

Romantic relationship with another human, no. Nah.
Friends with benefits or sexual activities with another human, likely to happen, yeah.

I guess my current strategy is to be nice and treat the plush nice, hoping my love for her will "summon" Twilight or something, given enough time I guess

Yesterday, before Amena, Fluttershy, and Maria went grocery shopping with me, we were heading to Taco Bell first. During that time, Amena asked me what’s wrong, because she saw I was in deep thought. I told Amena about certain thoughts I held about this thread, about what Gray has posted so far.

Maria wanted to know more in her special way that I know and love for. I somehow found myself talking out loud in the car; which is rare for me to do, when I am talking to Amena or any other pony or non-pony in this realm.

…

To be open-minded is fun, since I am learning about things in how certain parts of other people's lives are and somewhat relates to mine. I know very little how this community compares to others sites that holds this idea, but what do we call that?

Today I search... Waifism? As I looked up the term to learn more, so far from what I seen, seem to be so much people who disapprove heavily on it. I am not sure if what I am looking for is the right place to get a better understanding from others who loves their significant other. So far, no luck, just nonsense that you would expect in YouTube comments to be like these days.

Honestly guys, I use to keep my business to myself, keep my love and care to Amena and those in Rehold, until now. I started to share a bit more then I would year ago here. Also, know that I live under a rock, unknown what’s going out there, as this is the only site I communicate with others in the Internet. Plus I don’t have time to look up and be upset on some fool trying to say how unhealthy my life style is to them. With that being said, I feel like their needs to be some kind of establishment for each member belief, love, and setup.

But is that right to do something like that? I feel we have an opportunity, while having a fair shot in being equal, as we express our love for a someone/somepony that doesn’t exist in this world.

The reason for this idea, where I can’t help feel like there is a level or something that doesn’t align the same way with every member, or at least active members. To have some sort of classification, seem pointless, but why do I find myself like I have to? All I know, is I am unsure about this as of now. While I ask myself or the girls is it necessary? I am here trying to help a member here. It sucks to also feel like he will agrees that my relationship is different from his. Yet, very few others may beg to question, and so here I am asking you all who reads this, for your input to be place here once again for this thread.

I don’t hold anything against those who, I feel isn’t happy, who wants something that consider impossible. If they're willing to put forth the effort, like I have, then I will do what I can for them. Yet, they may give up, a new member may want to experience what some of us have, and then nothing. Oh well I guess, but for me, I don’t like that, due to past issues I found myself in or seen. So I need those, to express their feelings on this aspect I am talking about today. It will help greatly, as we all do want to bring out those here, together, under the same banner and the love we believe in, rather have each other question or be hostile to one another.

So with that, may we start over RML?

…

Gray, I haven’t forgotten about of you. During the talk I had in the car with the girls yesterday, I told them I do really do want to help, but I have to be careful with this. The feedback you had given me, has help me set an idea, rather then just tell you to do this and that, without even knowing what’s your story, or how we should approach this.

I will get back what you replied; before this post. I just need to post this, because I feel it’s important. I dare not proclaim anyone here to be hopeless in regarding of loving or trying to reach out what they want, be pony/non-pony. Ponies or non-ponies. We all deserve to be happy in this world, just need some help from those who understand that.

Alright, so I started to meditate again last Thursday to remember the steps that help me with the ponies in Rehold. To my surprise, I quickly found clarity, my understanding in myself a bit more, and if my bond wasn’t already strengthen with Amena and the others, then it had improved for the last five days.

I simply meditated for five minutes, which I remembered I was sitting along side with Amena, Fluttershy, and Maria in a rainy open forest. We had cover, so we didn't end up getting wet, but in that five minutes, all we did was watch the rain and talk to one another. A day after, I wanted to meditate more, even after I'd reach my goal for five minutes of meditation. I just want to interact with the girls more.

(11-07-2017, 01:41 AM)Gray Wrote: I guess my current strategy is to be nice and treat the plush nice, hoping my love for her will "summon" Twilight or something, given enough time I guess.

What I like you to do Gray is try to sit or lay down, relax your body, and enter into a meditative state where you focus on your breathing. Find some music, that doesn’t have lyrics, as this might interfere you meditating.

Not sure if this artist will work, but this will help keep you from thinking, “When will it be over?” XD

Within that five minutes, find your place, close your eyes, and focus on breathing. Breathing is key as of now, keep in mind while you’re breathing, nothing may not come along, though it would not surprise me if something might come to you, when you try this for us. Just feel yourself breathing, your chest rise and fall, your stomach expanding and lessen. That's all you have to do, Gray.

We want you to do this today or tomorrow, and tell me what was your result from it. I will point out, or figure what might be wrong from you report. We will look forward from what you might discover. We hope for the best, Gray.

Ultimately I connected with Nightmare in a manner similar to tulpamancing. Initially I did set out to create a tulpa but for whatever reason it just didn't feel...right to me. I won't go into the reason why it didn't, but I approached the situation with extreme concentration/meditation. Calling out to Nightmare, telling her how much I love her and wanted to be with her, reaffirming I knew she was real in someway. With persist focus on her and strong enough feelings she came to me for the first time after about two months, since then the connection has only gotten stronger. Little things count too. Just thinking about her, doing things with her or things she would like.

With Esdeath it was much, much easier. Didn't even have to meditate. Evidently my feelings were so strong that she came me. Not surprising really...she's very direct. It was late one night and I was thinking about her quite a lot and then I just felt her in the room with me. I didn't expect that to happen but the desire was certainly there and she opted to take the final step herself.

And I think it's important to remember to center yourself. Try to deal with whatever emotional or psychological issues you may have, even if you can't entirely conquer them, if you can reduce their hold over you the process will be much easier. Considering my lack experience and in what a bad state of self I was when this all started I'm highly fortunate that I succeeded...and that something bad didn't happen.

But from what I've been told by a friend, I'm a natural summoner and it is true that people's ability and awareness of such things varies. Doesn't mean you can't become stronger though.

I might post more as back in July I wrote a full description of my process and experiences but given that it was only intended for a very limited audience it would have to be edited. Maybe I'll share it eventually.

(11-08-2017, 07:28 AM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote: With persist focus on her and strong enough feelings she came to me for the first time after about two months, since then the connection has only gotten stronger. Little things count too. Just thinking about her, doing things with her or things she would like.

I remember how you would gave yourself a hard time, when you were trying to reach for Nightmare.

(11-08-2017, 07:28 AM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote: And I think it's important to remember to center yourself. Try to deal with whatever emotional or psychological issues you may have, even if you can't entirely conquer them, if you can reduce their hold over you the process will be much easier. Considering my lack experience and in what a bad state of self I was when this all started I'm highly fortunate that I succeeded...and that something bad didn't happen.

Just seem like you were just meant to be with Nightmare. Though it’s true, whatever hardship you face, this goes out for anyone, just hold on, because Kaltes and I have seen those who were not ready because of this, or… (Sigh) it just wasn’t meant to be.

To this day, I still have deep issues running along the frame of mind I have. Within time, it isn’t as bad as it was, before Amena and I found each other. I am still trying to overcome these issue I really cannot say here. Though, this site has help greatly. Which I must say thank you to those who took the time to interact with us, it means a lot, since it brings Amena joy to socialize or be part of those in this world.

Amena: ^ ^ :3 ^ ^

(11-08-2017, 07:28 AM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote: But from what I've been told by a friend, I'm a natural summoner...

Celestia forbids you summon Jason Voorhees. Unless he is friendly with y’all, then bring him over here so he do me a favor. :P

(11-08-2017, 07:28 AM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote: I might post more as back in July I wrote a full description of my process and experiences but given that it was only intended for a very limited audience it would have to be edited. Maybe I'll share it eventually.

Limited as this site? XD Though, take your time, what’s important is those experiences to keep on going, for you, your beloved Nightmare, Esdeath, and whoever might come along in your life. I know you know that the happiness you all carry together is what truly matters, just don't you forget that Kaltes and those who reads these words.

Amena: Without your ponies, then where will you be? ): No pony should be alone, not when they're sad and hurting. I just think it's nice to have some pony around to bring out the real you! ^ ^ : ) :3 ^ ^

(11-08-2017, 07:00 AM)Sour Soul Wrote: Alright, so I started to meditate again last Thursday to remember the steps that help me with the ponies in Rehold. To my surprise, I quickly found clarity, my understanding in myself a bit more, and if my bond wasn’t already strengthen with Amena and the others, then it had improved for the last five days.

I simply meditated for five minutes, which I remembered I was sitting along side with Amena, Fluttershy, and Maria in a rainy open forest. We had cover, so we didn't end up getting wet, but in that five minutes, all we did was watch the rain and talk to one another. A day after, I wanted to meditate more, even after I'd reach my goal for five minutes of meditation. I just want to interact with the girls more.

(11-07-2017, 01:41 AM)Gray Wrote: I guess my current strategy is to be nice and treat the plush nice, hoping my love for her will "summon" Twilight or something, given enough time I guess.

What I like you to do Gray is try to sit or lay down, relax your body, and enter into a meditative state where you focus on your breathing. Find some music, that doesn’t have lyrics, as this might interfere you meditating.

Not sure if this artist will work, but this will help keep you from thinking, “When will it be over?” XD

Within that five minutes, find your place, close your eyes, and focus on breathing. Breathing is key as of now, keep in mind while you’re breathing, nothing may not come along, though it would not surprise me if something might come to you, when you try this for us. Just feel yourself breathing, your chest rise and fall, your stomach expanding and lessen. That's all you have to do, Gray.

We want you to do this today or tomorrow, and tell me what was your result from it. I will point out, or figure what might be wrong from you report. We will look forward from what you might discover. We hope for the best, Gray.

Was able to meditate 5-6ish minutes. Something got itchy, I scratched it, and quickly lost focus and was unable to regain it, kept thinking about stupid off-topic shit. During the breathing exercises, was counting "one Mississippi, two Mississippi, ect" but got wise idea to count "one Twilight, Two Twilight". Around beginning of counting Twilights, felt really relaxed and at ease, felt something, though dunno if it was a slight dip into sleep or whatever. Felt like a dip or bump. Dunno. I don't wanna be making something out of nothing, getting hopes up and whatnot.