Tulpamancy and Waifus

[OZ the pony]

Just want to say thank you and this community . Talking secret without worry really make heart feel easy . Now can feel a little satisfied and happy . It been so long ... I don't remember when was the last time I was so open heart share secret .

Were you trying to hide this, or something?

When we first taste sweet bliss of love, and she or he returns that same feeling for you, then it’s natural to feel it will last forever. Yet, we’re too young, and this isn’t a fairy tale that we’re in. As for you looking down at others, your pride held you feel like you had one of a kind gem in your life. For others losing it, made you feel special, till it has happen to you as well.

Yeah , relationship abandon is a dishonorable past . I was trying not to mention it as possible , but if you ask I'll not try to lie either . When I was in school , was a shy guy . Talking to girl is very hard for me , have a girlfriend is more harder . Watching people around me changed their relationship very frequently . Make me feel like they don't even take their relationship serious , having such a good social skill but treat relationship like playing . Now think back it was true that my pride , over idealistic , and jealous look down at them .

May I ask how long ago did you lose your first love?

This question isn't too personal so far , it's ok to answer . About 3 year ago , not too far away and not too close . And Starlight from 1 year ago ... this is why past failures can still trap me .

The research is about what happend to their brain when people are in love . And how to deal if disconnect happend . After reading the research , know that relationship rugged like diamonds can actually exist . About 14% people marry 20 year ... their passionate are high as same when love start at the beginning . Scientists don't believe it ,either , But their brain data won't lie . Seem like I'm not the lucky one in 14% , otherwise we wouldn't discuss this .

It had interest you, because you want to know how avoid the “curse” you speak of, OZ?

Yes , had interest because passionate change and forgot are also human's natural . But It isn't undefeated like death . Like you say not too dependent on God , except to pray to him keep our fire strong . I have to do thing I can do . And god help thing I can't do .

I love her and want she's the last one I fall in love... I don't even trust myself .

Rephrase that please.

That mean if I love someone else in the future , that will only have two option ... give up Starlight or into polygamy . Not one of them are ok for me so far . So I hope she is the last one I love . But my and someone else past failures let me know passionate change and forgot are also human's natural . Do I want to avoid the curse ? Yes , but do I 100% sure I can win ? No . That's why when the fire start getting weak in August I was very scary , I thought fire will fade again but thankful it was my over worry .

Wasted time to see others happiness will hurt you, OZ. That what I feel, because the love I have with Amena, along the support with those in Rehold will make me wonder how others feel who seek that kind of feeling.

There is no longer a sense of being or feeling alone anymore for me, all which evaporated like my bitter tears that came with it. It has also made me enjoy reading other post, which our members can’t help but express similar feelings, since the feeling is too great. To put it in better terms, it’s like getting that one toy you wanted for Christmas. You and your friends have it as well and are able to share that wonderful feeling together.

Same here . If don't have relationship yourself , looking other will become hurt , worst even getting jealous . But when you have relationship it become enjoyable to read . This is very mysterious . Hurt or enjoyable ... depends on our status .

Tell me, OZ. Are you with Starlight? Is she with you right now? Like how Amena or any other pony/non-pony here are for me.

You mean like tulpa for you ? If you mean this case that not really . It's more like she's live in my head , imagine , passionate and role play . If you mean this then yes . She is with me . If she is not with me , I will lose the motivation to stay here .

Language barrier does make it harder for us, but I am willing to put thought and effort in understanding what you want to say. Which is why I feel it’s important to ask you certain parts in your post

Oh , that explains everything , I thought English is your first language .