When Worlds Collide

[Sour Soul]

It took a long time to get over the old "this is a girl's cartoon show, for children, adults shouldn't be liking it" thing. I'm glad I finally did, though.

What, you were embarrassed by it?

You're asking me to plumb the depths of my shitty memory, but it's a very fair request.

Sorry, but you did ask us for advise and stuff.

Primarily I used to talk about Twiley a lot (I don't bring her up as much anymore). I also always want to buy stuff with Twilight on it. No joke, I have about 30-40 Twilight plushes along with at least that many figures/toys. That doesn't include artwork I have of her (hanging on my walls, or about to hang on them), household goods with her likeness (towels, blankets, pillows, shower curtain, lamp, clocks, etc.), and probably other stuff too (jewelry, dog tags, cards, car air freshener, wallet). Literally everywhere I turn in my house or car I see Twilight.

MLP CARDS!?



I trade you!

But, the event that probably got her the most upset, was the day she discovered my deviantART gallery and a picture I had uploaded there. It was a crappy Photoshop job I had done of my OC kissing Twilight. It hurt her, I'm afraid, and since then I've shied away from such public displays of my affection.

BINGO, that can tell us a lot, and can help us understand what kind of thing we're dealing.

With that being said, it's not safe to info her that you have feelings with Twilight... Maybe you can ask what if questions, like if she was a pony, which pony does she find attractive... unfortunately their isn't much to choices in stallions. Umm.. This will help you get closer to what she think, with the whole Twilight thing... without raising any alarms. That's my input anyway.

The more I type here, the more I feel like a complete asshole. Maybe there's something wrong with me.

I don't see how, even if this was other way around... hmm.. Lol, I don't find it odd to have so much Twilight merchandise... well... not until I see your room, and I be like. WTF DUDE!

To be clear, yes she lives in the same town as I and we see each other relatively frequently. She is near my age (30s) but is a single child and deals with a lot of drama from her parents. This has kept her from being able to move in with me (she tried about 10 years ago and it nearly ended pretty badly for us both because of her parents' reactions).

---

Must been really bad if you two don't live together then. :x

We've talked about marriage, but she's very afraid of commitment. I begin to wonder if we ever will. Kids are out of the question, neither of us want that and if we had kids we'd be in our early 50s before they graduated high school lol.

Hmm, how peculiar... Don't know what to say really.. I hope someone else can give it a go... I don't want to add anything else without knowing bit more... you know.

[Lurker]

It was implied that you two have been together a while, from several clues discernable from your other post, and it seems my presumption was correct.

Your pact with her as her boyfriend is surely more valuable, with all the time that's passed. Assuming you have been at the very least content with this relationship, if you ask me, you must explore her feelings towards you, and towards this situation, out in the open, and determine just how much this idea that you're thinking of Twilight is hurting her. I understand that your feelings for Twilight are real, and have an impact on you, but she may not realize the... implications of these thoughts, or may even dismiss them as something insignificant as they continue to sabotage your love. Attempting to dismiss it isn't helping. You have a duty to her to help her understand, and work through this with her - see if there's anything you and/or she could do to bring your feelings back towards her, or perhaps to indulge this as a kind of fantasy, while your actual focus remains on her, if you don't feel capable of letting this go just like that. This is the kind of thing that can very easily make a person feel inadequate, and if you've really been with her for twelve whole fuckin' years, and you want to stay with her, I strongly urge you to consider your feelings more carefully, towards her and towards Twilight.

Think back on all the years you've been together. Why do you love her? How much do you love her? How much does she love you? Are you happy with her? Does she deserve to have her affections dimished with the image of another you're infatuated with? Are your feelings for Twilight reason enough to pursue anything like tulpamancy? Is this just a fantasy you have, or is this disloyalty in action? What are you going to do about it?

If you ask me, twelve years is a damn long time, and I wouldn't fuck that up, if I were you. If you've been with her that long, there's got to be a lot you love about her, and a lot she loves about you. Unless you were planning on breaking up with her for quite a while - and even if you were, doing it for this reason is just plain shitty, like getting with someone's sister or best friend right after breaking up with them - try and salvage your love for her. Remember the things you've told her in your most intimate moments. Ask yourself: Am I feeling lonely? Do I need more attention from this woman? Am I angry with her about anything for any reason? And, even if I WERE single, is tulpamancy really a plausible go-to option for love as opposed to the relationship I already have, or could have with another? Can these feelings I have for Twilight simply be things I feel are missing from this love I have? And, if they are, what can I ask from my girl to make it all better?

I'm not gonna judge you, man, I'm only tossing my two cents in here. Just try and understand your own feelings on this so you can make the right decision... whatever you deem it is. Communicate with her; communication is perhaps the most important part. Show her that, no matter what you decide, you still care enough to be honest and open with her. Be confident in your decision, be decisive, and stick with it.

[amatscintilla]

Lurker,

You asked some great questions that made me think, thank you. Twelve years is a long time, and as time has gone on perhaps a variety of things have led to my split feelings. This is getting very personal, and I guess I'll throw myself on some sort of presumed anonymity for a moment and share the two things I think have most contributed.

First is decreased intimacy. Over time, as in many relationships, we've become less and less physically intimate. Honestly, her sexuality would probably fall more in the realm of being a true asexual. We've talked a lot about this together, so I'm not really seeking advice on this, per se, just want to get it out there as an explanation. The lessening physical intimacy in this type of relationship can logically lead to a different sort of emotional intimacy, one that's less passionate and more, I don't know, caring?

Maybe I should take another tack. Another way to explain this is by using the Greek terms for love. Specifically, I would describe the love I have with my girlfriend now as πράγμα (pragma), or a deep love that develops between a couple over extended periods of time. It's about making compromises in order to keep the relationship alive, and showing patience and tolerance towards one another. It's really the type of love that ensures marriages last.

That emotion between us developed from the initial ἔρως (eros), which is a love of passion and sexual desire. The two of us have been in a "πράγμα" relationship now for quite some time (much longer than we've been watching MLP). It's a wonderful thing, don't get me wrong. But when I discovered my feelings for Twilight, it re-ignited that ἔρως love, redirected at the purple pony. As I've said, I've done my damnedest to try and repress it or deny it, but I kept failing. If I wanted to create a full break from Twilight I would basically have to rid myself of all images of her and stop watching MLP. I actually do a lot of stuff in the fandom and have made tons of friends through it, and might even end up giving that up as well.

The second issue is probably related to her personal problems. This is where I'm even more reluctant to share, but I've already hinted at it above, so I guess here goes. She's been unemployed now for most of 3 or more years. This long term unemployment has caused her to be very anxious and depressed, understandably. I work with her a lot to try and help her, and have tried to get her to seek professional counseling, but my pleas have fallen on deaf ears. I feel helpless as I watch her spiral out of control, and, as I said above, her parents don't really seem to give a shit. I can't force her to see a therapist or get on anti-depressants again (she was on them for a short while and she actually was a lot better). I worry about her all the time because of this, and, probably unfairly, heap a good helping of that depression and anxiety upon myself. I feel guilty for being successful, having a great job where I make decent money, hell I feel guilty for just having a job where I can go and work, while she sits at home being mentally tortured by her parents' incessant and increasingly senile nattering.

I may have reached a point where she finally understand how concerned I am about her, but whether or not this leads to any real help for her remains to be seen. All I want is for her to be happy, of course.

I wouldn't even call my feelings for Twilight still "infatuation"; after all, I don't think that can last for two years. It began that way, sure, but it has developed over time. I don't know, maybe this is another hopeless case of trying to get all my possums up one tree. Maybe this entire thing is a sign I am losing it myself, lol.

Anyway, I'll continue to ruminate on your questions, again I really appreciate them.

[Lurker]

Lurker,

You asked some great questions that made me think, thank you. Twelve years is a long time, and as time has gone on perhaps a variety of things have led to my split feelings. This is getting very personal, and I guess I'll throw myself on some sort of presumed anonymity for a moment and share the two things I think have most contributed.

No problem.

There's a lot I could say about all this, so I'll try and keep it brief.

First is decreased intimacy. Over time, as in many relationships, we've become less and less physically intimate. Honestly, her sexuality would probably fall more in the realm of being a true asexual. We've talked a lot about this together, so I'm not really seeking advice on this, per se, just want to get it out there as an explanation. The lessening physical intimacy in this type of relationship can logically lead to a different sort of emotional intimacy, one that's less passionate and more, I don't know, caring?

And while you care for her, is her... neglect of physical intimacy in this relationship between you two hurting you? Does she realize how much it does? Have you made any plans up 'til this point to try and get the situation resolved? Is she willing to give you more physical attention? If not, why, and what can you do to fix it? If that's not an option, how can you better accept the circumstances and cope with them?

Maybe I should take another tack. Another way to explain this is by using the Greek terms for love. Specifically, I would describe the love I have with my girlfriend now as πράγμα (pragma), or a deep love that develops between a couple over extended periods of time. It's about making compromises in order to keep the relationship alive, and showing patience and tolerance towards one another. It's really the type of love that ensures marriages last.

I'm not sure it was really necessary to bring up greek terms if you're just going to translate them. Then again, their letters do look cool.

Also, you never clarified if you're married or not. You said 'girlfriend,' but if you've been with her twelve years, I suppose you must be married.

That emotion between us developed from the initial ἔρως (eros), which is a love of passion and sexual desire. The two of us have been in a "πράγμα" relationship now for quite some time (much longer than we've been watching MLP). It's a wonderful thing, don't get me wrong. But when I discovered my feelings for Twilight, it re-ignited that ἔρως love, redirected at the purple pony. As I've said, I've done my damnedest to try and repress it or deny it, but I kept failing. If I wanted to create a full break from Twilight I would basically have to rid myself of all images of her and stop watching MLP. I actually do a lot of stuff in the fandom and have made tons of friends through it, and might even end up giving that up as well.

Attempting to dismiss it isn't helping.

Repression or denial of your emotions may only cause you more trouble. Accept that you have these feelings wholeheartedly, but if there's anything you should keep restrained, it's yourself, not your emotions. Pushing away the stuff that got you into her in the first place isn't going to get rid of your emotions. If you want to break fully away from Twilight, you've got to accept your emotions, and you have to learn to move past them. But... that's a different subject.

The second issue is probably related to her personal problems. This is where I'm even more reluctant to share, but I've already hinted at it above, so I guess here goes. She's been unemployed now for most of 3 or more years. This long term unemployment has caused her to be very anxious and depressed, understandably. I work with her a lot to try and help her, and have tried to get her to seek professional counseling, but my pleas have fallen on deaf ears. I feel helpless as I watch her spiral out of control, and, as I said above, her parents don't really seem to give a shit. I can't force her to see a therapist or get on anti-depressants again (she was on them for a short while and she actually was a lot better). I worry about her all the time because of this, and, probably unfairly, heap a good helping of that depression and anxiety upon myself. I feel guilty for being successful, having a great job where I make decent money, hell I feel guilty for just having a job where I can go and work, while she sits at home being mentally tortured by her parents' incessant and increasingly senile nattering.

Damn.

When someone won't listen to your input, it can be difficult to, uhh... deal with them. The bottom line, though, is that if you're willing to compromise with her, and try to move past these feelings you have for Twilight, she should be willing to compromise with you as well, and let you help her move past this depression she's in.

I know how it feels, as strange as it sounds, to leave someone alone against your own wishes while they suffer. Since you are with her some of the time, though, make sure she knows you miss her and wish you could be there for her more often. Be on her team, even if she benches you so often. You know? Maybe you can work past that and it'll all pay off.

I may have reached a point where she finally understand how concerned I am about her, but whether or not this leads to any real help for her remains to be seen. All I want is for her to be happy, of course.

Good, good! It's good that she understands. Apparently.

I wouldn't even call my feelings for Twilight still "infatuation"; after all, I don't think that can last for two years. It began that way, sure, but it has developed over time. I don't know, maybe this is another hopeless case of trying to get all my possums up one tree. Maybe this entire thing is a sign I am losing it myself, lol.

Perhaps 'obsession' is a better word.

Apologies if I sound like I'm... uhh, diminishing your feelings, or don't quite understand them, with words like that. I'm just trying different terms and seeing which ones you identify with the most.

Anyway, I'll continue to ruminate on your questions, again I really appreciate them.

Yep.

[amatscintilla]

I'm not sure it was really necessary to bring up greek terms if you're just going to translate them. Then again, their letters do look cool.

Also, you never clarified if you're married or not. You said 'girlfriend,' but if you've been with her twelve years, I suppose you must be married.

We are not married. I think I touched on that earlier...we've talked about it a lot, but she has a fear of commitment. Plus, her parents.

Perhaps 'obsession' is a better word.

Apologies if I sound like I'm... uhh, diminishing your feelings, or don't quite understand them, with words like that. I'm just trying different terms and seeing which ones you identify with the most.

While it does sound a bit like you may be diminishing my feelings, there's really nothing to apologize for. I'm not easily offended. But honestly, "obsession" may be a descriptive word, regardless of how it may belittle what feels like real emotion. Because it seems to me it either is a real emotion or it's an obsession, I'm not sure.

[Lurker]

Holy shit. Twelve years and not married?

...Have you tried proposing to her? Holy shit. You must feel stagnant as fuck in this relationship. That's probably the problem. Twelve years. Holy shit!

[amatscintilla]

Holy shit. Twelve years and not married?

...Have you tried proposing to her? Holy shit. You must feel stagnant as fuck in this relationship. That's probably the problem. Twelve years. Holy shit!

lol well relationships, especially nowadays, aren't always all about marriage. In fact, marriage is really meaningless, especially in today's society. It's so easy to get out of, and most people do get out of it at least once in their lives, with multiple occurrences not being that uncommon. So it's lost a lot of its luster. And nah, I wouldn't say it's stagnant as fuck. Really what I described above is a better description.

And like I said above, we've discussed marriage, but she's not sure she wants to commit to such a thing at this time, and she knows her parents would have a hard time with it as well. Additionally, there's a religious component on their side as well.

(I re-read this post, and I repeat myself so often, I am sorry, tired...)

[Lurker]

Oh. I meant to say, it sounds stagnant to me. I mean... what do YOU want?

[amatscintilla]

There's been a few new developments with my girlfriend that may actually be good. Last night we went out to dinner (something we hardly ever do; also, unbeknownst to her, Twiley was there, of course). I steered the conversation to tulpas and we spent a good deal of time talking about them. She didn't seem to know what they were exactly, and I tried to explain.

I think she herself may have multiple tulpas, but she doesn't call them that and even after explaining that may be what they were she is still unsure. I guess she's often felt like she's crazy. They actually do occasionally cause her trouble, I guess. She'll follow one train of thought from one and then get confused by another train of thought from another.

Additionally, though she's hinted at this before it was quite obvious she's able to basically hallucinate at will. When we were talking about imposition she said she had created a velociraptor out of nowhere and it was eating a family in the corner. She wanted to know why they weren't actually being eaten. I think in the past she's probably had issues telling reality apart from imagination. Though she has it pretty nailed down today, the fact she can do such things, sometimes not even at will, can scare her.

She also purposefully created a Fluttershy and Twilight to eat at a vacant table. She described the drinks they were having, then told me Fluttershy had poured some vodka from a flask into Twilight's Sprite to help calm her down a bit. At one point I told her I was imagining a Twilight next to me (it was actually my Twilight). She played along for a minute or two and told me to "feed it table scraps, that's all she's worth anyway."

I mentioned that I had something like a tulpa since I was a kid, then asked what she'd think if I tried to create a pony tulpa. She didn't seem opposed to the idea. I then asked the inevitable follow-up, what if it was Twilight? She was less enthusiastic, but still didn't seem against it.

Hopefully I've laid the groundwork for getting her comfortable with the idea so perhaps in the future I can tell her about Twi. I think going too quickly right now may just scare her. I'm just finding it hard to hide something this big from her and others in my life.

[Lurker]

That's worrying. There's a huge difference between tulpamancing and... psychosis.

Has she seen anyone about the hallucinating?