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(10-26-2015, 05:34 PM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote: Pretty much this, trying to keep my mind quiet can be challenging. Hence a reason why I'll admit I'm not overtly fond of meditation itself.
Possibly one of the reasons I ultimately abandoned meditation. I admire you for sticking with it; though you obviously have a better motivation than I did at the time.
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I feel like I need to get this off my chest somewhere, so here it is.

Going to sleep at night is now typically a pain in my ass, and I feel like that's an understatement. I'm a total night owl now, don't me wrong, it's when I'm lying down with the lights off trying to go to sleep when things turn bad. Meaning my OCD and the intrusive, unwanted thoughts get cranked up to eleven. As does the anxiety they cause and the uncomfortable feeling of my mind being poisoned, my emotions also grow more unstable too. Particularly feelings of great hostility and anger with bits of sadness, which I have no reason. Getting physically comfortable is harder too, tossing and turning, what with OCD and the thoughts/compulsions harder to resist at times it feels bad just having my skin touching anything and I just want to get away. It takes longer for me to sleep because of it.


I'm aware this'll basically mean nothing...I don't know, maybe just writing it will help.


I guess on a more positive note I've distinctly noticed Nightmare's voice is generally stronger when I'm at home and when I visualize her in my mind speaking the words. There have been some times the words just seem to flow out.

I hope someone has something to contribute though, it might help.
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(11-06-2015, 02:39 PM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote: it's when I'm lying down with the lights off trying to go to sleep when things turn bad.

This might sound like a strange suggestion, but have you tried sleeping with something like a lamp on? If you sleep facing away from it, the light shouldn't be much of a bother. That way, if you feel the need to open your eyes at any point, you won't be lost in a seemingly endless black void of night.

Alternatively, something that I do to help get to sleep is a strenuous workout immediately beforehand. I've found that helps keep the mind occupied and I fall asleep almost immediately after due to the utter exhaustion.

I'm no genius, so I can only talk from experience. I hope this helps at least a little. Twilight Smile
❤ Octavia ❤ Tulpamancing since 2015/10/31 ❤ AMA
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(11-06-2015, 03:02 PM)Kadae Wrote:
(11-06-2015, 02:39 PM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote: it's when I'm lying down with the lights off trying to go to sleep when things turn bad.

This might sound like a strange suggestion, but have you tried sleeping with something like a lamp on? If you sleep facing away from it, the light shouldn't be much of a bother. That way, if you feel the need to open your eyes at any point, you won't be lost in a seemingly endless black void of night.

Alternatively, something that I do to help get to sleep is a strenuous workout immediately beforehand. I've found that helps keep the mind occupied and I fall asleep almost immediately after due to the utter exhaustion.

I'm no genius, so I can only talk from experience. I hope this helps at least a little. Twilight Smile

I actually do sleep with a little light on, I'm not totally sure why this stuff happens. Though I have noticed I do sleep much easier when I'm really, really tired. I probably she try to ease my mind before I sleep in someway, thanks.Twilight Smile
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(11-06-2015, 02:39 PM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote: Going to sleep at night is now typically a pain in my ass, and I feel like that's an understatement. I'm a total night owl now, don't me wrong, it's when I'm lying down with the lights off trying to go to sleep when things turn bad. Meaning my OCD and the intrusive, unwanted thoughts get cranked up to eleven. As does the anxiety they cause and the uncomfortable feeling of my mind being poisoned, my emotions also grow more unstable too. Particularly feelings of great hostility and anger with bits of sadness, which I have no reason. Getting physically comfortable is harder too, tossing and turning, what with OCD and the thoughts/compulsions harder to resist at times it feels bad just having my skin touching anything and I just want to get away. It takes longer for me to sleep because of it.

I don't know how helpful this will be since I don't have OCD, but here are two things you could do:

1. Establish a consistent routine before going to sleep. For me, this is basically reading with tea\hot chocolate followed by talking to Luna about her day. When I follow this routine, I nearly always sleep a lot better than when I don't.

2. Are you able to set a particular time to address your unwanted thoughts? Like, telling yourself "I'm going to put this out of my mind for now and worry about it between the hours of X and Y?" Alternatively, can you to give yourself a distraction task when you ruminate? For example, if I catch myself ruminating about something pointless, I'll try and shift my attention to describing something in the environment and possibly talking to Luna about it. You could also try solving math problems in your head, or really, any sort of mental activity which forces you to shift your attention.
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(11-06-2015, 03:22 PM)StableRelationship Wrote: I don't know how helpful this will be since I don't have OCD, but here are two things you could do:

1. Establish a consistent routine before going to sleep. For me, this is basically reading with tea\hot chocolate followed by talking to Luna about her day. When I follow this routine, I nearly always sleep a lot better than when I don't.

2. Are you able to set a particular time to address your unwanted thoughts? Like, telling yourself "I'm going to put this out of my mind for now and worry about it between the hours of X and Y?" Alternatively, can you to give yourself a distraction task when you ruminate? For example, if I catch myself ruminating about something pointless, I'll try and shift my attention to describing something in the environment and possibly talking to Luna about it. You could also try solving math problems in your head, or really, any sort of mental activity which forces you to shift your attention.

Both of these seem like solid ideas, I'm sure it'd help to have a more consistent routine.

That's thing though...the things causing me worry typically aren't "rational," generally I try to distract myself and it has been working more because I put more effort into it...but sometimes I thoughts and anxiety gets so bad I feel like it's a matter of life and death. Though obviously I know it's not.

Either way I'll keep both of these in mind in the future, tonight, even. Thank you.
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(11-06-2015, 03:27 PM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote: That's thing though...the things causing me worry typically aren't "rational," generally I try to distract myself and it has been working more because I put more effort into it...but sometimes I thoughts and anxiety gets so bad I feel like it's a matter of life and death. Though obviously I know it's not.

Either way I'll keep both of these in mind in the future, tonight, even. Thank you.

I find that most of my anxiety is irrational too. Distraction is definitely the best way to deal with it - trying to argue with it will make it stronger. As for the life and death part, I know what you mean (though thankfully it's a fairly rare experience these days). The best thing I can really say is that when you distract yourself in these situations, try not to yank your attention too forcefully. Use a calm tone of voice with yourself and be accepting of how you currently feel - if you aggressively demand too much change in too little time, you'll just wind yourself up which isn't a good thing.
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(11-06-2015, 02:39 PM)Kaltes-Herzeleid Wrote: Going to sleep at night is now typically a pain in my ass, and I feel like that's an understatement. I'm a total night owl now, don't me wrong, it's when I'm lying down with the lights off trying to go to sleep when things turn bad. Meaning my OCD and the intrusive, unwanted thoughts get cranked up to eleven.
I know what you're talking about; I would regularly experience irrepressible and distressing thoughts whenever I laid down to go to sleep. My thoughts were typically about death / losing loved ones - fun subjects like that. Some OCD sufferers stop and devote time to canceling out negative thoughts by responding with positive ones; that was essentially what I'd do.

It didn't work; it trapped me in a nigh inescapable loop.

Being exhausted helped. If I was practically nodding off whether I'd planned on it or not, there wasn't near as big a window for the thoughts to begin. Acknowledging the thoughts - without engaging them - helped: "There you are. I don't much like you. Run along now." And curling up with Babe / concentrating on her has definitely helped. The feel of her against my chest; her mane brushing my chin as we adjust into a comfortable sleeping position. It's almost difficult to think of anything too negative while the pony you love is using you as a pillow.
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Well, something positive happened among a plethora of negative feelings.

I was about to break down at work and I asked Nightmare to come to me...literally seconds later I felt a great tingling sensation on my left arm, and the back of my hand as well. It was very gentle and reassuring and the bad feelings went away. Another thing I should mention is my left arm is where I had visualized her touching me only a few minutes before this happened as well.
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That's so beautiful, man! Nightmare's not the kind of mare to let the one she loves down. I'm glad she was able to help you out of a bad spot. Smile
Applejack, the apple of my eye

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