Gentian's Lexical Tomfoolery

[whobawhats]

That's actually a pretty good lyric rework. Thanks for sharing!

[Gentian]

That's actually a pretty good lyric rework. Thanks for sharing!

Thank you, too!

[Gentian]

I'm old. More importantly, I feel old. Along with that comes nostalgia for the good ol' days. So, in between bouts of yelling at the kids to git off mai lawn, and making sure they know, that they don't know how good they have it these days, I started thinking about old cartoons...

That reminds me. Back in my day, ya see, we didn't have these cartoons on demand, and streaming services. We had to schedule our lives around the TV, otherwise we'd miss the good stuff. But that was ok, it was a simpler time, and we had our cartoons and we liked it that way!...

In fact, I remember back when I was around your age, and I said how much I hate commercials, and my dad, he fought in the war you see, he called me a godless commie, and back in those days, when someone called you a commie you didn't laugh it off! No sir-ree! Commies were bad! "Better dead than red," as the saying went. You never knew if Ivan was gonna come charging through the Fulda Gap with his AK-47, or not, so we had to be on guard in those days!...

You know, that brings to mind the time I was fishing out in the swamp, and I saw an alligator that...why are you all looking at me like that? I'm just telling you about the good ol' days.

Damn kids aint got no patience these days. No respect for your elders itellyouwhat. You don't know how good you have it. Get of my lawn.

*Sips prune juice* I hunted down a few episodes of the 1987 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and tonight, while taking a shower, came up with this silly thing.

I figure Flutters likes parties for her animals, so it fits.


TSFP

Teenage Super Friendship Ponies.
Teenage Super Friendship Ponies.
Teenage Super Friendship Ponies.
Heroines on 4 hooves:
Pony Power!

Equestria's
most fearsome friendship team!
Teenage Super Friendship Ponies.

They're heroines
and
Elements of Harmony.
Teenage Super Friendship Ponies.

When the evil baddy attacks,
these pony gals
shove a cactus up its ass!

Teenage Super Friendship Ponies.
Teenage Super Friendship Ponies.

Cely taught them
to be
a Friendship Team.
Teenage Super Friendship Ponies

Twilight leads,
and Rari makes things gleam!
Teenage Super Friendship Ponies.

Appul and Dash are rude!

Ponk and Flutters are the party crew!

Teenage Super Friendship Ponies
Teenage Super Friendship Ponies
Teenage Super Friendship Ponies
Heroines on 4 hooves:
Pony Power!

[whobawhats]

Just move into the retirement home already, geeze

Spoiler

I'd totes watch some Teenage Super Friendship Ponies though

[Gentian]

Just move into the retirement home already, geeze

Spoiler

I'd totes watch some Teenage Super Friendship Ponies though

You know, back in my day...*crashes into slumber*

[Gentian]

Last night I started writing. I only intended to write the next chapter for Students of Heaven, but it wouldn't come, so I decided to try a trick of mine which is to start writing something else until I get in the zone, then switch back to what I originally wanted to write. Well, I got in the zone, but instead of switching back, stuck with this.

A Categorization of Equestrian Magic, and Those Who Employ It,
Or
FUCK YEAH! Magical Ponies!

I. Equestrian Ponies

Equestria is a land steeped in the mystic, and arcane. It is a place created by a goddess who still dwells openly among her children. Her divine presence washes over everything there, and everything there in turn reflects a miniscule fragment of her own deific radiance. It is a place with pockets of whatever power she used to create still remaining, and these twist and merge with other forces in strange, unpredictable ways. It is a land where sapient equines live together in a peace and harmony that mankind has probably never known in all its history. Aut imiteris aut oderis.

Equestria is a place of wonder.

Magic, more than any other single phenomenon, is what makes Equestria different from Earth. However, just as on Earth, where humanity has discovered how to manipulate nearly every aspect of its environment to suit it, the ponies too, have learned to control the magic which permeates their world.

Every pony, no matter their “tribe,” as it called on the animated Equestrian fanfiction known as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, has certain connections with, and ability to manipulate the ever present eldritch forces of their home. Indeed, the “tribes” are themselves nonexistent within Twilight's Equestria. That is to say, ponies are ponies, and a ponies “tribe” has no bearing whatsoever on the “tribe” of their parents, or of their offspring. It is entirely possible, and not at all uncommon for a breeding pair of earth ponies, say, to produce a pegasus or unicorn foal. Neither would it be thought odd for the offspring of a pegasus and unicorn to be an earth pony.

The only truly unique type is the Alicorn, and they are never natural. Each one that exists is the deliberate creation of the Goddess Celestia. She herself, while “natural” as far as anypony knows, is not in fact a pony, but a divinity who has adopted pony form, and therefore not a violation of the aforementioned categorization.

Here is a complete overview of the different breeds of pony found in Equestria, and a concise, though not exhaustive catalog of their abilities:


1. Ponies in Abstract

Ponies, as we call them, are a race of intelligent equines, and the dominant species of the world Equus. They are matriarchal, and follow the polygamous reproductive strategy of extended families centered on a single stallion, and his three to four mares. As with humans, the males are larger than the females, but unlike humans, are far fewer in number; roughly four mares are born for every stallion, thusly the mares take the dominant role in society.

A typical mare measures between 70-90 centimeters at the shoulder. Mass and build vary, but earth ponies tend to be the stockiest, and pegai the leanest, though there is significant overlap. Lifespan is roughly equivalent to that of a human.

Ponies are technically omnivorous, and while heavily favoring a plant-based diet, just as with horses here on Earth, meat is sometimes eaten. Actual diet however, will vary with fashion, and at times meat can be seen as an extravagant sign of wealth and good breeding, or, at other times as ranging from sheer savagery, to an indication that one can not afford, or does not know any better. Pegai are the ponies who most commonly add meat to their diets, though it typically takes the form of seafood, rather than red or white meat. Eggs, milk, yoghurt, and cheese are almost universally enjoyed by all ponies, in all eras. Twilight herself is quite fond of ice cream.


2. Earth Ponies

These individuals are often erroneously considered – by humans - to be less magical than the others, and sometimes, to completely lack magic of any kind. Unsurprisingly, considering the holders of such opinions themselves want for even the most basic interaction with true Equestria, both of these assumptions are false. The absence of wings, or horn is no more an indication of a dearth of magic than a human's lack of fangs or claws could be interpreted to mean they are not predatory, and for much the same reason; the “magic,” literal, and metaphorical, is on the inside.

An earth pony's magic, while less spectacular at first impression, is no less potent than that of any other kind, and is the magic of growth, change, and indeed life itself. It gives them the ability to coax sweet, abundant fruit from what a human farmer would consider a lifeless, shriveled stump. It gives them the ability to mix and match the best qualities of their crops, and to run through many generations in a single year to emphasize exactly the characteristics – e.g. taste, frost tolerance, drought resistance, insect repellance, shelf life, etc. - that they desire for a given product.

Perhaps most amazing of all to a human, it is the earth ponie's magic which enables them to heal the wounds of not just their plants, but animals, including other ponies in ways, and at rates which would put even the best human doctors to shame. Earth ponies are in fact, the most common medical professionals in Equestria, though healing spells do exist, and are taught to other breeds, it comes naturally to earth ponies. I speculate such healing could also extend to disease, but as The Princess is a truly benevolent Goddess, there is no disease to be found anywhere in Equestria.

Princess Luna was born an earth pony, before ascending to divinity.


3. Pegasus Ponies

The winged ones. The weather bringers. The carnivores. Such as they are known in Equestria. Pegai, as they are correctly called in plural, manipulate clouds with ease. In their hooves, and at their will, cloud seemingly becomes as a semi solid substance, most similar to cotton candy, though a non pegai who encountered it, even while being manipulated, would not not notice a difference between it, and ordinary, at-rest cloud. This power enables pegai to handle it, squeeze precipitation, or lightning from it, push it around, pile it up, and dissipate it to seemingly nothing with a kick. Most of their other magics are in some way related, or complimentary to this ability.

For example, their astounding capability of manipulating mass. Humans, if we think of clouds at all, tend not to consider just how much a cloud actually weighs. They are composed mostly of water, after all, and water is quite heavy. Pegai neutralize this mass, enabling themselves to move and manipulate tons of it with very little effort, and this is not exclusive to cloud-matter. Even on Hasbro's fanfiction cartoon, pegai are shown to carry carts and chariots through the sky with them; these things do not sag, or bend toward the ground because the pegai's magic prevents gravity's merciless talons from taking purchase of them.

Temperature is another area in which pegai are unique. They feel it much like we humans do, and in the same ranges, but it does not cause them discomfort, pain or injury. Pegai must often soar high into the air, where it's always deep winter, and there the wild, unobstructed, high-altitude winds whip and blow furiously, making it even colder. But the pegai don't mind. Neither do they fear the searing fingers of plasma we call lightning. Some shy away from the noise – from which they are also protected – but the burning temperature of the stroke can not harm them any more than the coals and flames of forest fires – or the great, towering bonfires they regularly dance through as a ubiquitous part of their celebrations. That is to say, it can not harm them at all, or even cause discomfort.


4. Unicorn Ponies

These equines can best be described as the “Jack of all trades,” including the latter part of that description: “master of none.” As with every other kind of pony, an individual unicorn's affinity for magic varies. Some, such as the pony known on Hasbro's fanfiction cartoon as Starlight Glimmer, boast a blazing talent for it with seemingly no effort put into practice or study. Others have minimal talent, and still others may start strong, like the show's pony known as Sunburst, but fail to fulfill their expected potential.

That said, even the weakest is capable of some mystical feats, while even the greatest will rarely be able to compete against, much less surpass an earth pony's ability to grow, or heal, or a pegai's ability to fly or manipulate mass.

Nevertheless, these ponies are the most versatile, and it is from unicorns which the vast majority of Princess Celestia's personal students, if not her guardians, are chosen. In fact Sunset Shimmer, and Twilight Sparkle are both students of hers famous even among humanity, and both of them have gone on to become demi-goddesses themselves.


5. Alicorn Ponies

Some say this type of pony isn't really a pony at all, for reasons detailed below. An Alicorn is created, and never becomes extant without intention; so much for “Flurry Heart.”

Alicorns are created by the goddess Princess Celestia, via some method unknown to me. Suffice it to say, they are a transitional state between ponydom, and true divinity. They possess each of the innate magics of all 3 kinds of ponies, and even in a newly created Alicorn, these are much more potent than in the common ponies.

Alicorns are also immortal, and their powers grow as they age, presumably until they themselves become as capable as the mighty Princess Celestia herself, though there is no word on the time required for such progress. Nightmare Moon's effortless defeat at her hooves, despite being universally acknowledged as the mightiest pony in Equestria at the time(and currently), as well as having been made an Alicorn centuries prior to her rebellion, hints that it takes a long time indeed, as we mortals measure things.


II. The Magic Itself

Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns is a bit of a misnomer. The school is, in fact, more properly referred to as HRH Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Ponies, but those working on Hasbro's fictional representation of Equestria got it close enough one really can't fault them. After all, The Princess herself dislikes the “HRH” part of its name, while humans typically only think of unicorns as being the magical type, anyway so it's not a terrible fit; what's a little more inconsequential inaccuracy?

The largest portion of Princess Celestia's students are indeed unicorns, but they make up only about 2/3 of the current student body at the academy, and while exact ratios fluctuate, such a thing is far from an unusual state of affairs. That is, of course a substantial majority, but far from the 100% implied by Hasbro's flawed title. Moreover, roughly half of the instructors at the academy, at present, are unicorns. Again, a majority, but far from an overwhelming one.

The reasons for this are simple, yet more than likely unexpected for the majority of my human readership. You see, while a unicorn's horn gives them a general skill in magic non-unicorns can't hope to match, a small minority of both earth ponies, and pegai may also learn some – very basic - magic which is characteristic of the other breeds, themselves. A small portion of unicorns may also learn some of the magics of pegai and earth ponies as well, rather than the ersatz unicorn imitations of their innate magics most would employ should they find themselves facing a task normally performed by another type of pony.

It is a very small proportion, you realize, but not zero, and in fact every aspiring member of Princess Celestia's personal guard, while nearly all pegai themselves due to the necessity of flight – very few unicorns can manage to fly, though those who can are free to try their hoof at becoming guards, and teleportation is not an acceptable substitute - must learn a certain level of healing magic from the earth pony instructors, and telekinesis, and signaling spells from the unicorns, in order to qualify. Shielding spells would also surely be welcomed, but only unicorns, and Alicorns are capable of casting them.

Most ponies are taught magic from their community as they grow, and if fortunate enough to have still-living unicorns in their immediate families, from them as well. This is the manner of Equestria in all education, in fact. Schools are organized to take advantage of this, with the one in Ponyville being a fair example.

Cheerilee is an earth pony, and a teacher. She guides the children to practice what their parents have already taught them, and fills in the gaps if they have missed something in the basic subjects all ponies are required to learn like literacy, mathematics, law, reason, and politics. However, unlike modern western schools, guests are frequent, and they may be planned well in advance, or spur of the moment. The guests are treated as teachers, and expected to actually teach. Typically they are for subjects which Cheerilee herself can not present at more than a theoretical level, due to being an earth pony, and the same would be true if she were a pegasus, or unicorn.

HRH Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Ponies functions in the same way, though on a much grander scale, and Princess Celestia herself teaches there daily for her personal students, when she has them, but also frequents the general classes as a guest teacher or speaker. Despite being the owner and founder of the school, and both a de jure and de facto member of the school's staff, she is not the principal, and leaves the management of the place, and on the exceedingly rare occasions it is needed, discipline of student or faculty to other ponies.

Though Equestrian education has significant differences from that of the modern west, to say the least, it is perhaps best to touch on the magic which is taught in a similar manner: categorization via grades.

Despite what Hasbro likes to portray in its animated fanfiction, presumably for “laughs,” a pony's magical talents first begin to appear in late childhood, or early adolescence. There are not, and never have been any “magical baby shenanigans,” such as you see with the infant Cakes, or Flurry Heart, and Scootaloo's inability to fly is a fault with her ability to channel her magic, not with her wings. Bulk Biceps, for example is quite capable of flight despite having proportionally smaller wings, and a much heavier body. This is because his mass-altering magic is functional, whereas Scootaloo's is not. As she grows, this will correct itself, and her wings, tiny though they are, will provide all the lift and thrust necessary when her mass is appropriately reduced.

Once a pony's magic begins to manifest, they will gain a greater control of it with time and practice. As such, the magic they can perform sits at various tiers. I must reiterate it is not taught this way in Equestria, but it is a handy way to help my human readers understand the challenge various spells provide. The list of magic available to ponies, especially unicorns who make a study of it, literally fills entire libraries, so only some - all of which were featured on Hasbro's fanfiction - will be laid out. This list is, of necessity composed entirely of unicorn magic, and presented at the difficulty for the average unicorn at which it stands. It should probably be said that these should be taken as minimal levels, and a spell may be quite a bit more difficult, or even rendered impossible by numerous factors. They are presented in no particular order within their own grade.


A. “Elementary School”
Telekenesis
Light

B. “Middle School”
Voice Amplification
Gem Finding

C. “High School”
Sleep
Illusion
Cloud-walk

D. “College”
Teleportation
Polymorph
Want-it Need-it
Age-spell
Object Possession (Twilight entering Moondancer's book, or the ballerina statuette)

E. “Post-Doctorate”
Star Swirl's Cutie-Mark spell
Cadance's Love Spell (Cadance does not exist in Twilight's Equestria, but it would probably fit here)

“Elementary School” can be considered spells every unicorn can perform, and are typically expected to know. “Middle School” level spells can also be performed by almost every unicorn should they know it, but it isn't necessarily taken for granted that they will. “High School” level is doable to at least minimal proficiency by most unicorns, with practice, though they are the kind of spells rarely used, and there is no shame in not knowing them, or being unable to perform them. “College” level spells are difficult; only a minority of ponies know them, and few of those that do can actually perform them. “Post-Doc,” for lack of a better term, are the spells legends are made of. The kind that require careful independent study, or initiation into secret orders to so much as learn about, and only the most powerful of unicorns can even begin to realistically attempt. Needless to say Twilight's mentor, and access to the Royal archives is a great boon for her, here.

We hope this essay helps you to reach a better understanding of the world from which Twilight hails. We may write some more in the future detailing other aspects of it, and life there, or we may not. Only time will tell. For now, thank you for reading.

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Very informative, thank you for sharing.

[Rares]

All really very informative! Interesting information you've laid out. Though I have a question, I see you compared objection possession as like in Royal Problem and in Amending Fences, but wasn't the bit in Amending Fences cited to be something else entirely, a specific method that she was gonna teach Moondancer? And of course I already laid out my thoughts about Starlight, I think she studied very hard, just a lot of it was off screen we don't see her studying much on screen.

[whobawhats]

Some, such as the pony known on Hasbro's fanfiction cartoon as Starlight Glimmer, boast a blazing talent for it with seemingly no effort put into practice or study.

I know I already told you my thoughts on this but I wanted to say it here as well. This has been shown to be completely false. She's stated that she studied a spell for years in The Cutie Map and it has been shown atleast on a few occasions that she deeply studies and works on her magic quite frequently. If we're talking about her sheer magical power, "Hasbro's fanfiction cartoon" has more than explained why that is and I'm sure that's something she had to work many years on and didn't just wake up one day and make the connection.

Other than that I find your thoughts rather informative and interesting.

[Gentian]

Very informative, thank you for sharing.

My pleasure, thank you for reading it.

All really very informative! Interesting information you've laid out. Though I have a question, I see you compared objection possession as like in Royal Problem and in Amending Fences, but wasn't the bit in Amending Fences cited to be something else entirely, a specific method that she was gonna teach Moondancer?

The spells are arranged on the chart at their lowest level, and easiest versions. There are many spells that duplicate, to varying degrees of authenticity, the effects of others. "Object Possession," is given more as general class of magics, rather than a single spell. The same is true of "light," "polymorph," and a number of others.

And of course I already laid out my thoughts about Starlight, I think she studied very hard, just a lot of it was off screen we don't see her studying much on screen.

I know I already told you my thoughts on this but I wanted to say it here as well. This has been shown to be completely false. She's stated that she studied a spell for years in The Cutie Map and it has been shown atleast on a few occasions that she deeply studies and works on her magic quite frequently. If we're talking about her sheer magical power, "Hasbro's fanfiction cartoon" has more than explained why that is and I'm sure that's something she had to work many years on and didn't just wake up one day and make the connection.

Other than that I find your thoughts rather informative and interesting.

Whobawhats, I know you consider your Starlight to be the canonical one, or to at least be from a place which follows show canon exactly, but my Twilight does not come from such a place. Her Equestria has very little in common with what we see on on Hasbro's cartoon, and this essay was written with her world in mind.

Some of the differences are quite drastic, such as the complete absence of Spike, Discord, Changelings, dogs, and Princess Cadance. Her Celestia is a literal goddess, and ponies are the only sapient species on her world, no talking yaks, dragons, griffins, cows, breezies, etc. All but thaose last exist, but as beasts, not other intelligent creatures, and these are only a few of the differences.

Not all of those changes are welcome to me. I like Princess Cadance, for example, and tend to also like dogs; I own one, after all. I say this because I don't want you to get the wrong idea when I tell you that it seems there is no Starlight Glimmer in her world, either. Further, Starlight is not my waifu, and I am not as knowledgeable about her or her capabilities, as you obviously are. I used Starlight as an example there because that's how I've interpreted her to be: a powerful, talented magic user, but perhaps not as educated.

This is not intended as a slight against her, it simply seems to follow from her lifestyle choice as the leader of an extremely isolated town. Neither is this precluded by the lines in those episodes wherein she says it took her years to master a given spell. It just shows that she took that time to master that spell; it says nothing of a general magical education. Perhaps it took her years because she only had a single text to work from? Maybe it's because she had to piece the spell together herself from half-remembered fragments? Maybe it's because she spent so much of her time playing politics that she didnt have enough time to study? Do you see? I'm not insulting her, I'm extrapolating from what Hasbro has shown us onscreen.

If she had made her home in a more urban area, had easier access to a wider range of written knowledge, or ponies to teach her (or to challenge her), her background appearance in Canterlot, notwithstanding, it might not have taken her years. I simply don't know, and went with what to me seemed the most likely interpretation of events.

But again, I haven't waifued her, nor do I make a study of her, and as you do, I would expect you know more about her than I do. However, again, this essay is written to represent my Twilight's Equestria, and not Hasbro's, or anyone else's Equestria.