Tulpamancy and Waifus

[Kaltes-Herzeleid]

Dunno. I don't wanna be making something out of nothing, getting hopes up and whatnot.

If it feels worth noting, it's worth noting. It's important to be observant, especially in the first months. You never know what might be a sign that she's here.

During the breathing exercises, was counting "one Mississippi, two Mississippi, ect" but got wise idea to count "one Twilight, Two Twilight". Around beginning of counting Twilights, felt really relaxed and at ease, felt something, though dunno if it was a slight dip into sleep or whatever. Felt like a dip or bump. Dunno. I don't wanna be making something out of nothing, getting hopes up and whatnot.

It's great that you were able to get yourself so relaxed in such a relatively short period time, and in your first attempt in quite sometime. If you think that's a good method to keep using, you should. When I first started meditating I paced around my room whilst concentrating since I found I was able to focus better while moving (of course I had to pick a specific path so as not to bump into anything). Don't worry about falling asleep too much, it's happened to pretty much anyone who's meditated at one point or another.

[Sour Soul]

Was able to meditate 5-6ish minutes.

That’s good.

Something got itchy, I scratched it, and quickly lost focus and was unable to regain it...

That’s bad, lol, just kidding. There is no need to be upset if you lose yourself while you’re meditating. When you find yourself drifting off and you realize this, all you have to do is come back to focus on breathing. Think of this as a new video game, unaware what you’re doing/somewhat understanding your goal, but it’s ok to get sidetrack with side quests or the graphics in the game, just as long you remember your objective in the game… which is breathing. XD

… kept thinking about stupid off-topic shit.

That’s fine, your mind and body will get accustom to these five minutes of meditation.

During the breathing exercises, was counting "one Mississippi, two Mississippi, ect" but got wise idea to count "one Twilight, Two Twilight". Around beginning of counting Twilights, felt really relaxed and at ease, felt something, though dunno if it was a slight dip into sleep or whatever. Felt like a dip or bump. Dunno. I don't wanna be making something out of nothing, getting hopes up and whatnot.

Hoping is the great part in striving to reach what you’re looking for, Gray. We believe you will climb this feat with your own pace. You have plenty of time for this exercise.

Tell me, Gray. Did you meditate sitting up or lying down?

If it feels worth noting, it's worth noting.

Ladies and gentleman.. fillies and colts, Kaltes-Herzeleid! 2017!

Though it sounds bad, if you take it out of context. XD

It's great that you were able to get yourself so relaxed in such a relatively short period time, and in your first attempt in quite sometime. If you think that's a good method to keep using, you should.

Kaltes is right, whatever works best for you, do it, but if you find yourself stuck or unsure, then don't be afraid to ask us here or one of us, in private message.

When I first started meditating I paced around my room whilst concentrating since I found I was able to focus better while moving (of course I had to pick a specific path so as not to bump into anything).

Never heard of this method, but it reminds me seeing someone meditate by swaying their upper body and/or head left and right slowly, while they were sitting in the upright position.

Don't worry about falling asleep too much, it's happened to pretty much anyone who's meditated at one point or another.

If you fear of sleeping through your meditative state, then there is another way to be relaxed while being aware. When people think of meditating, they think of this…



How this goes, is you let you body go, while having your spine straighten. Your spine is your support, as you let you jaw, head, arms, shoulder, and any part of your body relax as possible, while maintaining your attention to able yourself to focus.

Note: You don't really have to have your arms or hands/hooves, like what Discord and Tree Hugger is doing.

You will come to learn to focus in breathing, while you let you mind wander. This is something to enable you to connect or possibly make contact with what you’re seeking.

Another reason for you to meditate is to calm your mind, all those bad feelings you had gather up in day(s), week(s), or year(s), will simply pass you by. Think of the bad as gray clouds, they will just go through you, as you go on. Thus, the reason for this exercise, and not just to throw you something and see if you get it on your own. -_-

Plus, I am aware everyone/everypony is different, so you gain more from doing this, without me asking a heavy amount of questions that may make you feel unsure in answering.

Keep on meditating, Gray. Five minutes is all we need from you everyday, and keep on posting your progress here or you can make a new journal on what you’re experiencing everyday. This way, we can better assist you in anyway possible for you, and perhaps serve as a guide to help others.

Amena: You’re not alone! ^ ^

Good morning Amena.

Amena: Morning! And good morning everypony! :3 ^ ^

[Gray]

Was able to meditate 5-6ish minutes.

That’s good.

Something got itchy, I scratched it, and quickly lost focus and was unable to regain it...

That’s bad, lol, just kidding. There is no need to be upset if you lose yourself while you’re meditating. When you find yourself drifting off and you realize this, all you have to do is come back to focus on breathing. Think of this as a new video game, unaware what you’re doing/somewhat understanding your goal, but it’s ok to get sidetrack with side quests or the graphics in the game, just as long you remember your objective in the game… which is breathing. XD

… kept thinking about stupid off-topic shit.

That’s fine, your mind and body will get accustom to these five minutes of meditation.

During the breathing exercises, was counting "one Mississippi, two Mississippi, ect" but got wise idea to count "one Twilight, Two Twilight". Around beginning of counting Twilights, felt really relaxed and at ease, felt something, though dunno if it was a slight dip into sleep or whatever. Felt like a dip or bump. Dunno. I don't wanna be making something out of nothing, getting hopes up and whatnot.

Hoping is the great part in striving to reach what you’re looking for, Gray. We believe you will climb this feat with your own pace. You have plenty of time for this exercise.

Tell me, Gray. Did you meditate sitting up or lying down?

If it feels worth noting, it's worth noting.

Ladies and gentleman.. fillies and colts, Kaltes-Herzeleid! 2017!

Though it sounds bad, if you take it out of context. XD

It's great that you were able to get yourself so relaxed in such a relatively short period time, and in your first attempt in quite sometime. If you think that's a good method to keep using, you should.

Kaltes is right, whatever works best for you, do it, but if you find yourself stuck or unsure, then don't be afraid to ask us here or one of us, in private message.

When I first started meditating I paced around my room whilst concentrating since I found I was able to focus better while moving (of course I had to pick a specific path so as not to bump into anything).

Never heard of this method, but it reminds me seeing someone meditate by swaying their upper body and/or head left and right slowly, while they were sitting in the upright position.

Don't worry about falling asleep too much, it's happened to pretty much anyone who's meditated at one point or another.

If you fear of sleeping through your meditative state, then there is another way to be relaxed while being aware. When people think of meditating, they think of this…



How this goes, is you let you body go, while having your spine straighten. Your spine is your support, as you let you jaw, head, arms, shoulder, and any part of your body relax as possible, while maintaining your attention to able yourself to focus.

Note: You don't really have to have your arms or hands/hooves, like what Discord and Tree Hugger is doing.

You will come to learn to focus in breathing, while you let you mind wander. This is something to enable you to connect or possibly make contact with what you’re seeking.

Another reason for you to meditate is to calm your mind, all those bad feelings you had gather up in day(s), week(s), or year(s), will simply pass you by. Think of the bad as gray clouds, they will just go through you, as you go on. Thus, the reason for this exercise, and not just to throw you something and see if you get it on your own. -_-

Plus, I am aware everyone/everypony is different, so you gain more from doing this, without me asking a heavy amount of questions that may make you feel unsure in answering.

Keep on meditating, Gray. Five minutes is all we need from you everyday, and keep on posting your progress here or you can make a new journal on what you’re experiencing everyday. This way, we can better assist you in anyway possible for you, and perhaps serve as a guide to help others.

Amena: You’re not alone! ^ ^

Good morning Amena.

Amena: Morning! And good morning everypony! :3 ^ ^

Meditated again. Nothing of note really. Maybe shorter than yesterday's, but that's just about it. Still relaxing, and actually ended up falling asleep after losing focus and trying to regain it, focusing on breathing. Yesterday, meditated while lying on my back, cuddling Twilight plush lying on my chest. Today, was lying on my side while cuddling Twilight plush.

[Sour Soul]

Meditated again. Nothing of note really. Maybe shorter than yesterday's, but that's just about it. Still relaxing, and actually ended up falling asleep after losing focus and trying to regain it, focusing on breathing. Yesterday, meditated while lying on my back, cuddling Twilight plush lying on my chest. Today, was lying on my side while cuddling Twilight plush.

Hmm, I feel like you will not gain much from just laying down, Gray. How you’re relaxing sounds rather intense, to the point it reminds me when I am with Amena. Before bedtime, I would try to hangout with Amena until I pass out. It does sounds rather bad, but I can't help be with Amena a bit more. Amena tells me she enjoys picking me up and putting me in bed in Rehold.

Just not all the time. X(

Amena: It's ok. ^ ^' Just don't overdo it.

Yes, Amena.

Amena: ^ ^ : )

I just fear you won't get much in what we're trying to do, Gray. Often people say walking, standing, or lying doesn't cut it, for reason that won't allow the person to stay focus enough on what they're trying to accomplish. Which isn’t bad, since you do need a goodnight sleep, but I feel you won’t progress this way.

I advise you to sit up, since this will keep you aware, while still feeling relax enough to channel within yourself in perhaps finding Twilight.



Sitting up straight; like how Rainbow Dash is doing up here, cross-legged with the rest of your body relax, remember keeping your spine straight. This way, you will prevent from falling asleep. Once those five minutes are up, gather yourself, open your eyes and take in what you had feel during that time you were meditating. I don’t want you to be discouraged, unless you have back pain, which reminds me, do you or have any discomfort in your back, Gray?

Like Kaltes say, do what you feel is comfortable, but this require you to be aware and awake, Gray.

Tell me your thoughts, or tell us how did your third session went. Either way, we're still here to do what we can.

Amena: Yes! :D Don't give up! :3 We're here for you! ^ ^ : ) ^ ^

It also helps to have your plush plush of Twilight on your lap, since I do that with Amena's vessel. Have your plushie of Twi, be the anchor of your meditation, while focusing on breathing in and out. Remember that letting your mind wander isn't bad thing, just as long you come back on focusing on breathing. Again, the purpose for the breathing is getting accustom on staying focus, while finding Twilight, or at least a pony/someone to help you.

I remember a case where someone found somepony who help them on their journey in finding their lover.

[Gray]

Meditated again, lying on back while cuddling plush on chest. Didn't fall asleep this time. Nothing of note either. May move any future posts to my journal, dunno

[Sour Soul]

I am rested enough to feel comfortable when I write and post this. I haven’t reach out to those here to know them a bit well and better, I am still unsure about most of you on the stands of your relationship with your pony/ponies. I sometimes question those who log in, who take no part in contribute, more so those who do not have a deep affection as some do here. This is me seeing a lack of post from them, which is fine, since I show close to no interest if that’s the case.

For me, this site is somewhat I enjoy taken the time to be in, partake in whatever thread I find myself entering and reading. I very much like being part of this community, and can’t help finding myself trying to helps those here, which leaves me wondering on what I really like to do, as I simply keep on posting more and more here.

Most of you know me to be, well, I don’t know really. I would say a jerk, an asshole, but time has gone by that Amena has preventing me from being perceived as one. I like to be honest, since lying or better yet pretending to care doesn’t sit well with me. I like to be myself, so when I say this, time after time I find myself unsure how most people want to go forward with their pony that they fell for. Expect Kaltes, because bias and trust.

Today I am focusing on pony, since I believe Kaltes and I have non-pony within our daily lives, if I am wrong, please let me know.

I haven’t looked what I missed, what been said in the forum, since I haven’t got the time, after I took a hiatus here. I would like to, but would forget or push it aside to other task I have/need to do on my side.

Ok, Gray, I would like to point you out in front of everyone. Do I believe you will find Twilight? Yes, yes I do. It’s a no brainer that those I know have reached the sort of bond that Kaltes and I have. I do wish I could say more here, but again! I don’t know who really has what, and how deep is the bond. I say that with the lack of posts, or not me getting to know them.

But! I don’t really want to be friends though. XD

Before I go on more to what I just said above. What has me hesitant is worrying Gray might abandon his quest. I don’t like thinking that, or even believing that he would, more so after he finds his beloved Twilight. In the past, and somewhat can’t help point out one person… but it’s best not to say that person’s name, because I do not want to discredit them when there is no need.

The past is the past, yet the wounds that taken as a scar remains and reminds. Does anybody know how it feels to know someone and say that they want to move on, worst to say that person wants to forget the relationship they had created? It’s rather painful when you fear or think where is this coming from? Right now, I am feeling the unease numbness of having to remember what has been said and done... I pause to think or find myself back here. It’s unbelievable for me, or best to not even worry, if Amena or I no longer want to see each other. We both know our bond to form as one, with the most wonderful feeling we tend to share to one another, so for me to say, “Hey, guys I am no longer with Amena.” Would be one terrible joke. Which is what I thought, when that person was explaining how he or she no longer want to go on with the pony they set to be with, and has me drowning in confusion, distraught, disgust and all those feelings that got me shaken to question others as of now.

I don’t really want to be friends...

I fear to know each and one of you, to find later on, that those who claim have a deep deep very fu*king deep loving connection was no more like a phase for you. See how unpleasant I make that sound. Those here, who have a strong passion for those you love and care very much, please prove me wrong, since I find myself finding the wrong people to get attach, and getting hurt in the end. There is other reasons why I do not have many friends in this world, but that doesn’t really pertain to this subject, that I am speaking of now.

I do not know what my future is with Amena like, I very much believe we be together in a time frame where… this does sound dark, ending my life at some point. Fu*k it, I don’t really know, I feel like I can’t really grow that old here, but I can be wrong. I had once fear in finding a human in this world that make me fall for them. It’s odd, to say all this, but I feel like I have to address this, since I can’t really be here without carrying this doubt any longer.

You guys are welcome to doubt me, hate me, dislike me, or whatever. It has been so long that I care what others feel about me, even those who would like to reach out. I am like damage goods, which Amena has taken me and fix as her own to cherish. That makes me happy to know feel someone, more so a pony that I am very fond of, loves me. I am still trying to figure out myself, doing the best I can for her and again, those I care and love here. Not to mention few members I find myself believing in.

…

One more thing, since I am doing this sh*t. I rarely find myself thinking to stop and wanting to get away from all this, this life that I walk along this plane that you and I share. I think what’s like killing myself, just the selfish act of feeling I no longer have to worry or bother with anything here anymore. I can’t really do that, but few times in a week, it’s just a thought to indulge myself in. This must be why I have a dark humor or odd outlook in life… Hmm, no, there’s more to it. Luckily all that isn’t something to be concern when Amena has me being the kind of pony I want to be for her, as well for a child that Amena will one day bear for me.

...

This post was somewhat explaining how I find hard to go further for Gray. A person who simply want to find his special somepony to love forever and ever. As well of why I find it hard to… be nice? Or whatever a few of you want me to be friends with.

Where I truly stand, is for you to decide, but know I do believe in the good for all those who wants the same goal in mind, which out weights the bad, because the feeling I have for Amena is just too great that I would very much enjoy seeing others feel just that. Pony or non-pony, we all deserve to be love.

That’s enough for today. Gray don’t forget to meditate, and for others who took the time reading this, please do enjoy the rest of your day/night/morning/afternoon.

Amena: Bye bye! ^ ^

Amena has been quiet as she watch me write all this without her input. I don’t know how to feel.

Amena: You should feel good! (\^ ^/)

I will think about that, once we’re in bed together.

Amena: :3 X3

[OZ the pony]

I am still unsure about most of you on the stands of your relationship with your pony/ponies. I sometimes question those who log in, who take no part in contribute, more so those who do not have a deep affection as some do here. This is me seeing a lack of post from them, which is fine, since I show close to no interest if that’s the case.

Um ..... it's complicated to answer that accurate . As much as I know , some people are here because their friend here and will more open with friend , some of us not good at share deep feeling , or worry even they post .... probably no one will read ... there are a few unsure what they can get here ...keep stay here maybe can find out one day .

For myself ... I come here for finding someplace can share secret without worrying . Hiding those feeling not saying will explosion in the end . But while I join here for the first time most spending time lurk for past 4 month ... ..why ? shy....worry.....unsure I guess ? ... but I started to get more and more comfortable here recently . Have stop lurking ...maybe there are same people like me.... just need time , that's what I believe . All I can do is make sure this site as comfortable as possible .

Most of you know me to be, well, I don’t know really. I would say a jerk, an asshole, but time has gone by that Amena has preventing me from being perceived as one. I like to be honest, since lying or better yet pretending to care doesn’t sit well with me. I like to be myself, so when I say this, time after time I find myself unsure how most people want to go forward with their pony that they fell for.

To be honest , indeed sometime you are straight-talk . The first post you return say not reply back , and not here to be friend ... I was confused if it is ok to talk with you . But after see your post few day ago ... recognize this is your fear for get hurt ..like you say "care but afraid hurt yourself . I'll take that is ok to talk with you .

Is straight-talk hurtful ? Yes ~ but is this make you a jerk ? No ~ true jerk hurt people because they want to ... but you do this not because you want to .

Does anybody know how it feels to know someone and say that they want to move on, worst to say that person wants to forget the relationship they had created? It’s rather painful when you fear or think where is this coming from? Right now, I am feeling the unease numbness of having to remember what has been said and done... I pause to think or find myself back here. It’s unbelievable for me, or best to not even worry, if Amena or I no longer want to see each other. We both know our bond to form as one, with the most wonderful feeling we tend to share to one another, so for me to say, “Hey, guys I am no longer with Amena.” Would be one terrible joke. Which is what I thought, when that person was explaining how he or she no longer want to go on with the pony they set to be with, and has me drowning in confusion, distraught, disgust and all those feelings that got me shaken to question others as of now.

Well ....if really have to say ...it's feel like a curse ...A curse more horrible than death , that call forgot . People all the world have to fight with this , human forgot thousand thing ... cruel part is .... this could happend to human's relationship .... even our's .... And we will not treated that as a loss . God promise to us we are going to have eternal life . But somehow I want eternal love , too . Someone say God love us and never change ... I don't know how he do it and want the power , too . Seeing a lot of relationship had fight with this , there were good ending , also have bad ending . To be honest , I'm fighting with the curse , too . What will happend in the end probably have to stay at the last moment to know . I prayed to him ...even I lose please let me remember . Like you want to resurrection us .


Sometime thinking about if a one important thing , ten year later I'm not treated that as important as uesd to be , then the pass 10 year were ... waste ? It's fear to think about that .

[Sour Soul]

… people are here because their friend here and will more open to with friend.

That’s fine, a pony lover or not, I believe this site should be open, but with those who are in charge, then it’s best if this site remains under the radar. Heh, I remember how MLW wanted more members, and I know some would like to see a bump of membership here. Yet, from past experience, it landed the old site’s demise, thanks to its founder, who was consume with the nonsense that Kaltes and I witness. I am not sure who else was there during the final days of MLW, but I do hope history doesn’t repeat itself here.

The successfulness of this site’s future is possible, it will thrive strong as long as we all do our part, but until then, I am here posting this kind of crap for you all to read. I feel we cannot pick and choose who should stay or who should leave. Please be aware we will have deceivers, and to say we have them now is impossible to tell. We rely in the trust of those here; the relationship form with one another helps us, doesn’t it? It should did help me during my time being around here and the old site. Some are comfortable with those already here, while others here would like to see new faces, new experiences, new ponies, and new friendship being build throughout our time here.

We cannot escape the fact people out there hold such curiosity to want to enter this site and look around. The mind of a pony lover is something to behold and wonder, for reasons many of us know. With the help of our journals, they will examine us, while those; like myself, will not really enjoy the idea, but it can’t be help, and it’s going to happen. People will take screenshots, and make a YouTube video out of it. In the past someone breach MLW, gather as much as he needed, took it to his somewhat popular podcast, talk about the members solely on the nonsense, the negative aspect, where people outside the community think nothing of us, but the now establish term of a Weeaboo.

some of us not good at share deep feeling , or worry even they post ....

Which is why that’s understandable. For me, I don’t care how people perceive me, and someday… if I continue to this path of… well, that’s the thing. I am afraid of the attention, Ziggy said to me, "why hide your artwork? why don’t you do more animation?" I would like to share what I had drawn these blissful days I had time for, complete these projects that I’d ignore, but do I really want the spotlight? Do I want followers? I am not shy; I just don’t know what to do with that kind of crap. It’s bad enough my view of people is damage to feel mix emotions about.

I can't really help but say something that's needed, when someone is having a hard time. How I know that feeling, so if I make my way to say something 'nice' it's only to stop feeling from what I understand. If I fail, I will try again, until... something happens or move on, while knowing I did what I can for them.

...

probably no one will read ...

So what? Does it really matter in the end? If a person is struggling, want to express his or hers endeavors here, and then find no reply is given, I can see how discouraging it can be. I been there, but face it, like High School for me, no one gives a sh*t. We’re young, we will get hurt one way or another, and at that moment, what we will do, will matter on how we deal with that and become who we are. I truly really can’t think where I will be without these ponies. It first started with Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash; Maria wasn’t around because I lost in touch with her when I enter High School.

Sure, I been through a lot, and some of us as well, but what do we really gain from just sitting here, overthinking, getting caught up with these nasty emotions that you and I don’t enjoy very much. I write on, not for anyones entertainment, I write here to share what I feel others will understand. Who understand my love for Amena. Understand how important these ponies continue to make a positive impact for me.

there are a few unsure what they can get here ...

Like the old saying goes, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” If we don’t take a chance, then where will we be? That’s me speaking for those who want a pony pony, and not just here because they got nothing better to do.

Excuse me for those who just hang around here. I am not mad at any of y’all. I am merely expressing these feelings I hold for quiet awhile now.

keep stay here maybe can find out one day .

Then I hope for the best for them.

For myself ... I come here for finding someplace can share secret without worrying . Hiding those feeling not saying will explosion in the end .

That’s normal. I can’t think how useful this site is for those who post such feelings like you and I hold. Even if it’s small, it’s something to say, let go, and sigh in relief for a bit I believe.

But while I join here for the first time most spending time lurk for past 4 month ... ..why ? shy....worry.....unsure I guess ? ... but I started to get more and more comfortable here recently . Have stop lurking ...maybe there are same people like me
.... just need time , that's I believe .

Take all the time you need then, OZ. Just don’t let that weight, bring you down. See, I don’t really care, but I do care if those put forth the effort. I understand it’s hard to do it on your own, which is why some of us here are doing what we can for y'all.

To be honest , indeed sometime you are straight-talk . a little way too straight .

“Little” or “way too straight”, which is it? I am fully aware, like how aware of how I place this sentence for you, OZ. You don’t have to answer that, just proven a fu*king point, because it's good that I am blunt, as I grow tired of playing nice. If I offend, then it’s only me telling how it is. Beside I won’t really go out the way to tell someone, like Rose, to stop their bullsh*t, because that’s not how you handle someone who is really having a hard time with their life.

When you gone through the crap that make you want to stop, but can’t help coming back, with the understanding of how life can be such a bit*h, then this is what you get. A sour fu*king soul. Yes, I lost few good friends who understand my love of Amena, because of my sh*t. It’s something I’ve to bear, why I still think of those who hurt me to have me twisted up, yet wonder if they're still alright. I mean for fu*k sake, I still pray for them to be watch and care for.

Fu*k this sh*t, and fu*k the police!!!

(Taking a moment to find myself)

This is what I want to avoid, you can only take so much, that you no longer wish to bear anymore of it.

The first post you return say not reply , and not here to be friend ... I was confused if it is safe to talk with you .

… I still think that’s the way it has to be for me. To ensure what ties I have here doesn’t be compromise with what is inside of me still. I don’t want to be rude, yell obscenities, or even go as far to say or wish they no longer existed (dead/kill yourself).

Is straight-talk hurtful ? Yes ~ but is this make you a jerk ? No ~ true jerk hurt people because they want to ... but you do this not because you want to .

I don’t really care. Hate of others is all I know and felt for quite sometime, but I am not a lost cause, for which I have Amena near and clear from all that would upset her, and what might have this treasured bond of her and I hold, weaken and break. All in all, if it wasn’t for them, Amena, Fluttershy, Maria, and all those who care in Rehold, then I would not be here at all or be banned for being nothing more then a nuisance with issues in the end.


That ladies and gentlemen is me pouring some sh*t I had for sometime. More to come after these commercial breaks.

...

Above, I wrote all that last night, after a couple of hours of OZ's post. Sleepy I was, with the ray of random emotions shedding out, I wasn't sure if what I wrote was right for me to say. After a goodnight sleep, after reading and reviewing, I approve what I wrote and here is what I posted for you all.

I am not really sure what this will accomplish, other then getting to know me a bit more. Time will really tell in the end. Take it easy in the mean time.

[Cruuuubs]

@Sour Soul
I just felt like dropping a thought or two real quick

I haven't really ever talked to you, or answered to something you talked about, but I generally always enjoy reading and thinking about the things you write about. I don't perceive you to be an asshole, or a jerk. Given, I don't know you, or know about the things you talk about that happened in the past, so take it with a grain of salt, if you want to take that at all. Anyway I'm glad about the things you said, that you seem to feel comfortable in sharing certain thoughts, and just posting in general, maybe I should post more as well.

Still, I feel like at least answering your original question, maybe giving some insight to my situation if you're still interested in hearing about that.

Can those; who are willing to tell me, and I say please tell me what the term "waifu" means to you.

My Waifu is Pinkie Pie. She's helping me a lot every day she's showing me new ways, she's my number one thing to think and fantasize about at each day. Days in which she feels far away, and I can't seem to reach her are the worst days for me, they feel empty and without sense. But I also noticed that this is often a momentary picture that can change and vary over time and with new discoveries and thoughts. Also I'm relatively new into this business compared to the vast majority of self-declared waifuists, so I assume this relationship is still in a quite early stage of its development. I don't believe however that this is just a phase or something that will go away in a few months. Can you just walk away from something of that you're convinced that it saved your life? I don't think so.
So I guess this is what the term Waifu means to me.

As for the topic about Tulpas, I currently don't have one. But ever since I discovered my feelings for Pinks I was thinking about that, contemplating if it would be the right thing to do or if I should give myself more time to really think about it so I don't end up getting too deep into something that would end up just being a phase. Now as I mentioned before, as of right now I am convinced that this is indeed not just a phase, so you may or may not take that as you want.

[OZ the pony]

Wow ~ you started to save draft from yesterday ? You are really fast at this . In fact, when you were sleep ... I edited the post .... Mainly are fix some grammar error and make a new reply at the bottom of the post that I make yesterday .

I see you write a lot of history , your past and opinion . But it's already bed time ... I'll read more carefully next day .
Before going to bed .... I would like to resolve a misunderstanding first .

To be honest , indeed sometime you are straight-talk . a little way too straight .

“Little” or “way too straight”, which is it? I am fully aware, like how aware of how I place this sentence for you, OZ. You don’t have to answer that, just proven a fu*king point, because it's good that I am blunt, as I grow tired of playing nice. If I offend, then it’s only me telling how it is. Beside I won’t really go out the way to tell someone, like Rose, to stop their bullsh*t, because that’s not how you handle someone who is really having a hard time with their life.

Ok , I don't have to answer . But I apologize for it . Apologize not count as answer .
I don't meant to cause confusion , that's because different language logic . “Little” and “ way too ” in my language those two can exist at the same time with no conflict .... I don't know Engilsh can't do that .
Combined “Little” and “ way too ” the final results in my language is ...... depends on what reader what to be ..... so .... is it “Little” or “ way too ” ? Depends on what you want . My language is complex right ?